“Man
is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real
problems” ―
Epictetus
I believe that many women have Everyday PTSD, for
myriads of reasons. I think it is in our
very genes to worry, to be stressed, to be anxious. Every ad in magazines, on billboards, on
cards through stores, movies, on television tells us we are not enough. We think of a dozen things at once and at
least one of those thoughts is the list of things you have to do today, or
else...or else what? The thought of not
being, doing, having enough and then add real life stressors, and you can
become panicked. Sometimes stressors are
so bad that you feel anxiously hopeless, anxiously overwhelmed.
I know that I deal with a great deal of anxiety. I manage as long as nothing untoward
happens. Add untoward to my list of
problems to solve and I become frantic in some ways. I have always been anxious. I know why life makes me anxious since I was
a young child. I learned not to trust,
not to feel safe, not to feel protected.
For many many years I felt like it was me against the world, against
God. But, as I have aged, and because of
my artistic hours, I have learned how to release stress: Art journaling and art, itself, has saved
me. No meditation, yoga, therapy could
have ever helped me better than creating.
Sometimes life can grab you by your throat until you
can hardly breathe. Sometimes you feel
like nothing will ever be okay again. I
swear to you, doing whatever art you can, will help you get through. There is something soothing about journaling
and it will bring you to a clam place, to a place of clear thinking, to a place
where you regain control of your lizard brain.
Yes, that limbic system that is as old as dinosaurs, as old as first
woman who knew only fight or flight.
We can only force our thoughts elsewhere, for so
long. We can only deny them for so long,
but the anxiety will only return full force because we have to stop
suppre3ssing our anxiety and start using up the adrenaline and put it
somewhere. Where better than an art
journal, or written or collaged, or whatever method you can, to get it out and
down where there is easement.
Consider what person, place, or thing(s) make you
anxious. For me, I begin to sweat bullets
just thinking something is going wrong with my computer, or filling out forms,
or something new, being in a big crowd.
Some things you just have to do no matter that they make us anxious. I tend to do all the wrong things, as I wait
until a deadline is almost over then I buckle in and get the dang thing
done. Perhaps it is part of my stalling
and, since I work well under stress (man can I get things done then) but, I
work on this every time it comes to terrorize me. But, art soothes me. Art journaling is different than doing fine
art or more sophisticated art with more art-centered substrates and
paints. Art journaling is faster and,
for me, becomes fodder for later true art pieces. Art journaling seems to free up space in my
head, as well, so I do not easily become overwhelmed. A huge benefit is that journaling truly helps
us work out our own chite rather than find food, drink, drugs, or whatever else
we might turn to to relieve ourselves.
It also helps us come to a new understanding of Self.
For the above art journal page, I simply scribbled
until there was relief. I know the egg
shape of a face. I know the eyes come
half way down the face. I know the nose
is halfway between the tip of the nose and the tip of the chin. I know there is a neck. Scribbling over and over and over, can lead
you to discover shapes you never thought you could do. Then, I used chalk to smear color where I
thought color should be. Can you see how
this repeating action can help relieve stress?
Think about people who are knee-jogg4ers. They sit near you and you can feel the floor,
table, whatever move at the panic'd pace that their knees bounce. They may not know it, but the bouncing of
knees relieves adrenaline. Notice how
many people do that. Some people tap
their fingers. Some whistle. Some hum.
When 9ur body has too much adrenaline, the body knows it has to find
relief and we can do strange things to relieve it. In the old days, my mother baked bread. I house-cleaned like a frenzied
mad-woman. I am grateful I found art
journaling and art because it is sooo fulfilling when I am done getting stuff
out.
For today's page, how about considering the kinds of
things, as I said, that make you want to jump out of your skin. Scribble to your heart's content. Whatever becomes of it, it is! No perfect anything but letting off some
steam. Leave space for write out how it
feels after you have completed the page/or not.
In that space you can find some logic for your anxiety. You know what it is. How can you solve it? What is the horrible thing that you were
afraid would happen? What is the best
outcome? Sometimes what you write or add
to the page will argue with your
Ego/Evil Inner Witch/Inner Critic.. oh, there are many names you can call
her. What lesson have you learned from
that which brought you into this anxious state?
Is anxiety a state where you are
paralyzed or where you become frantic? Maybe anxiety is a pattern of
yours. The fear is not unknown. You would not be anxious if your brain did
not know what the worst is that could happen.
But, most times, it never did. In
the end of it, you are still standing.
Look at your strengths. Putting
your energy down on paper, no matter how you do it, you got it down and you got
through. That is the blessing of art
journaling/journaling. You empower
yourself. You need no crutches. You simply used scribbling as a way to
express whatever it is that is driving you.
So, have a go.
See if you can create what your anxiety looks like through scribbling.
©Carol Desjarlais 8.25.19
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