Have you ever been sitting, people-watching, and a little girl’s voice comes out of a grown-up woman? It doesn’t fit. You almost find it annoying. Before you turned to look, you thought she was a simpering teenaged girl. You wonder if she was telling a joke, in her Valley girl slang. Before long, you catch what she is saying and it was clear. She was for real. Someone forgot to tell her that voices and language give away her immaturity. As well, it is obvious that some trauma left her caught in language and voice time-warp.
Petulance! A woman who openly shows petulance is a woman who has not moved through the medicine wheel in age-appropriate ways. She slams doors. She stomps. She is an older woman with teenaged mentality about men. She pouts, sulks, whines and has not dealt with her childhood and teenaged issues because she has not realized how she acts, or she has not resourced help to heal so she can balance her emotions.
Typically, grown women who are not balanced will often self-soothe. Their life tends to be dramatic and chaotic and they are more upset than calm and productive. Their choice of self-soothing can be food, drugs, alcohol, anything that can numb the aftermath of upsetting times for her.
Like a toddler, if they do not get the attention they still desire (a left-over from childhood), they act out however they can to get attention, either negative attention or positive attention, it does not matter to them other than that they get it. They are very manipulative.
An immature woman will depend on others to ‘do’ for them and do not attempt to be self-sufficient. They either live with their parents, or have chosen a partner that will ‘do’ for them. A common word in their lexicon is “I can’t ____” and there is almost a pride in it.
An immature woman will have anger problems because that is the most likely to get them the things that they want. The problem is that they exaggerate a diversion to take the focus off them and try to put it elsewhere. They want to rage more than they want reward for their anger.
These women are not evil, nor are they mean-spirited. They are unhealed. They think they can get all they want as an ‘ever-child’ because it got them attention and care when they were little and they still use the same tactics to have others meet their needs because they believe that everything revolves around them as the ‘special’ one. It will anger them when people do not act as if they were still that ‘special’ child and always appease them. They refuse to become independent and realize that they must earn things and not be able to just deserve everything they desire.
Another behavior immature women tend to display is needing immediate gratification. They are impatient and impulsive with little consideration of alternatives and consequences. They are risk-takers and put themselves in risky situations.
Women who have not matured will always be in disagreements and every little thing is a tragedy. Their life is a soap opera. They get involved in others business and relationships when they should best let others work out their own dramas. They do not have authentic empathy, are tactless, and have less filters than they would had they matured properly.
These women are typically the ones who are openly negative towards authority and authority figures. They have not matured enough to realize that rebellion, defiance, rule-breaking, and open-aggression toward authority is not the mature normal. Their knowledge of social decorum does not typically exist.
Most people would rather just ignore or appease women like this because they really just want to avoid her tactics to get what she wants… and she GETS what she wants! At some point, women like this implode and will go find others who will be manipulated. A firm hand, a walk away, a one-on-one good talk can help, but the best help is professional counseling. Those they manipulate need to become tired of the manipulation enough to help them seek help. Or, they become isolated due to behaviors and they realize they need help themselves, and so they seek it. Or, they get into trouble with the judicial system and they are required to get help.
Let us not allow others to manipulate us in immature ways. We do not help them or ourselves. Do what you can to get them help or maybe it is time for tough love. Either way, if you are closely involved with a woman like this, we can only do what we can do. The hard work is for them, not us. It is kinder for you to get them help if possible. Their problem is way beyond language and tone of voice. There is some serious need that only professionals can deal with.
©Carol Desjarlais 4.22.23
Reference: https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/cinderella-complex.htm
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