The way we see the world is through judging eyes and senses. Not all judgements are negative. We judge to see where we fit in, how we measure up, what needs improving, how we form opinions, and what goals to set and what things to avoid for our preferences. We also judge to see if we are safe. The difference between positive an negative judging is that toxic people are negative, perceive negative things, and they see things in black and white in critical ways without a sense of the WHY of things and people and places.
When we wish to see negatives, we can certainly find them. All things in balance. If we choose to feel inadequate, we can judge others and see only that we do not measure up, without considering the WHY of us, either. If we sense inadequacy, we are more likely to be jealous, belittle, or mock those who are healthier, wiser, better at, etc. People who are different are judged ‘less than’.
We do judge things according to ourselves. We find something to belittle in others means that we belittle that in ourselves. Things we do not accept about ourselves, we do not tend to accept them in others. We consciously do so. We have passions and if we are not settled in our passions, we begrudge others who do better at fulfilling their passions. If we are positive, we measure ourselves and find out how we can do better. What we tend to forget is every individual has individual measurements of their own.
What we need to do is measure things by what we value, what we believe to be true, not what others believe. Our sense of value and self-worth are key to measuring/judging. It has to be internal measurements not measurements that belong to other people. How we set, or do not set, boundaries is implicit upon knowing our own internal measurements.
Another important aspect of being judgmental are that we do not have to accept others’ ideas or behaviors, beliefs or actions. We are responsible only for ourselves. And, we cannot change other people’s values and measurements. We choose only ours for ourself. If we live a life of ‘what is, is’ according to other people and other ways, things and places, we can avoid being nasty and negative in our judgments, if we need judge at all. There are different circumstances and we can not know other people’s circumstances. It is difficult not to get enmeshed in other people’s judgments and, if we do, we become bleating sheep all headed for chaos and trouble. Our soul needs authenticity. To have anything that others value, just because they value them, is not authentic. Who we are is who we are and we are all walking this earth together, with, hopefully, no animosity that arises from being judgmental. Neither can we see all with rose colored glasses. Just because some find a different path to something we sense as good, or a better way, or a healthier way, does not mean that is good or healthy for us.
Truly get to know yourself, what you value, and WHY. Then it is easier to be less negatively judgmental and make appropriate jdugements according to what is true to our own path, our own soul journey down here on earth.
There always needed to be an addendum to “judge not that ye be not judged’. It has to be positive and personal. Keeping it real!
©Carol Desjarlais 4.23.23
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