The List: Emotional Intelligence

 

 

“Reducing the distractions in your life can help free up trime and space.  It can also cut down your mental “to do” list.  From gathering and taking out the recycling to cleaning off your desk, making tangible open space around you can help to clear mental space for a new creative project.” – Lynn Gordon

Do you have a “to do” list in your head?  I do and I am driven get that list done by 10 am.  I do not know when that list started happening, but I am driven to get it done.  My doctor told me that was a sign of my slight OCD.  When ‘that’ list gets disturbed, I feel my body, mind, and emotions change.  I become frustrated.  Frustration is not good for me.  I have to work hard to put the things on ‘that’ list on to tomorrow’s list before I can settle.  Do you find your frustration escalates when you are distracted by person, place or thing? 

I feel my breathing change when I am becoming frustrated. My voice changes.  There is energy that builds and people have asked me if I was angry and I try to explain, “I am not angry – I am frustrated”.   It does not excuse my shift.   I am learning to pay attention to my body reactions to incidents.  I had almost two weeks of constant frustration, blocking, critique, emotional manipulation and, by the time the time period was over, I was exhausted, physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.  I am diabetic and I know sugar levels has a lot to do with unexplained mood shifts.  As well, drinking water makes a difference.  I am taking care of body so that I can better manage emotional intelligence as I work to find ways to keep my moods in less swing.  Whenever my ‘list’ is stopped by life, people, things, etc., I know to remind myself that all things do not need to be done by a certain time. 

I am able to ‘catch’ myself and the frustration does not last long.  As soon as I start to feel the adrenaline kicking in, I can usually stop it in its tracks.  (But, if an incident/trigger is ongoing for any length of time and it is seemingly constant, Then I have a harder time getting the reins on it and I will literally ‘work’ it off.  I will usually extricate myself from others and go do my self-work on my own since I am not fit for man nor beast until I dop get myself in control.  I recognize the feelings of anxiety, annoyance, and irritability.  I acknowledge it and try my best to get over it.  It is definitely a rise in adrenaline and when I am feeling anxious I tend to , if I am sitting,. Jiggle my knee, or I will find myself “whistling’ under my breath.  Seriously!  I whistle.  I think it is an unconscious way of controlling my breathing.  And, I will not be conscious of doing it at first.  Now that I know these are my projections of that surge of adrenaline, I am better able to act in a more emotionally mature way.  I do have to say, not always.  Those are more the physical inclinations that I am about to lose my proverbial chite. 

If an external trigger is ongoing for some time, I have a lower and lower tolerance for further frustration.  I think the frustration comes from not having control and self-control gets lost in the need to manage life’s incidents, yet, it all gets enmeshed and I become frustrated at a higher and higher level.  Stress builds along with the frustration and frustration builds due to the stress.  At some point, there is a sense that I cannot cope and then I am frustrated with self because I cannot cope.  It is a mishmash of internal confusion, and suddenly my Ego gets into it all and I begin to feel defensive…freeze, fright, flight is the next step to it all, unless…unless… I gather up some small self-control and deal with it in a state of closing down emotion and just getting through with as much dignity and grace as I can.  Neither dignity or grace happens often. 

I am working on dealing with stress this year.  Last year was fear and my base of fear that seeped through every aspect of my life, and I was not conscious of it.  This year, working on stress, I am very aware that I have also lived a stressful life, even my career was high stress, and I am ‘un-learning’ my typical reactions to such.  I am clearing my lie of stressors that are unique to me as yours is unique to you.  It is as if I make myself face my stressors so that I might know them for such, learn to prepare for such, and then put my coping skills to test.  I am ot always successful, in fact, I put myself in such precarious situations that I have failed more than succeeded.  Once I get through it, either failing or succeeding, I let it go and walk away knowing that I am done with that stressor, be it people, place, thing.  It is a ‘not kind’ thing to do to myself, but it is as if I am driven to finally see a stressor for what it is and , in some way, either let it go or keep it and learn to deal with it.

Emotional intelligence is all about regulating oneself., methinks.  When I am feeling frustration, I have learned to distract myself with something physical that tames the growing adrenaline rush. (remember me blogging about my granddaughter saying: “Look, Mom, grandma is mad cleaning!”)   I am learning to verbalize how I am feeling and that I am not angry, I am frustrated!  I am learning that I cannot expect others to automatically discern what feeling is being expressed by me.  I am learning to be mindful of my emotions and the people, places, things that are my stressors.  I am building my tolerance so I might live a calmer, more graceful life.  Have it known that I am a slow learner sometimes.  I will get this yet.  I refuse to be overwhelmed any more.  I get through my list as best I can and move the leftovers to another day’s list.  I will always be an internal list-maker.  I am working hard on Emotional Intelligence. 

©Carol Desjarlais 8.30.22