Collecting Versus Hoarding

 

 

 

“There’s a place in the world for frozen peas, salad in a bag, and even processed cheese – but who wouldn’t rather bit into a fresh hulled pea, a fresh-picked lettuce leaf or a morsel of aged Brie?  When it comes to having what you need to stimulate and satisfy your urge to create, you can make a similar choice:  buy high on the food chain (pre-stretched canvases, pre-selected water color sets, paint by numbers software programs) or treat yourself to raw materials that touch the raw nerve of your creativity.  No need to consider it a luxury to walk into an art supply store and pick two or three things you’ve never tried – just consider it your creative staples.” - Lynn Gordon

So many say, “Oh, you are so lucky to have so many talents” have no idea the responsibility it is to keep those talents all satisfied.  Each talent has its own little whispering voice and if I neglect one, it gets louder and louder until I cannot artfully think straight for the noise.  My mind is always seeing things I could do something with. 

I do diamond paintings.  I paint rocks.  I etch rocks.  I polish gems and make jewelry of them.  I make rain chains.  I do flower balls.  I can still play robin’s Return on the piano (learned that when I was 14 years old).  I make cards.  I bake creative foods.  I decorate my outside and inside for each season.  I paint on wood and even menus. I paint on pal fronds.   I do not do just one kind of medium or substrate.  I teach private art lessons to children.  I am a poet.  I sculpt.  I am not a solid ‘great’ at anything, but I am a try-hard.  I am always trying to appease the creative Muse and her subsidiaries.  When I get tired of doing one thing, I jump to another.

I have filled up half a storage room with my canvases and creations.   Somehow, I need to get some moved and I just do not have the energy to load everything up and get it to the Saturday markets with Serendipity.  I do at least a painting a day, but I also work in many different themed art journals.  The art journals take the pressure off of adding another painting to The Room.  Any time any of you see a painting you would like, let me know.  I do not sell for profit so you will be sure to get a deal.

I do not know many artists who do not have many supplies ready in case creativity hits.  When you are able to spend the hours creating, like I do, I find we tend to collect supplies to try other things, to experiment, to do mixed mediums work, and then there are the creative magazines.  Oh, my, I need an art house not an art room. 

In October, I am going to work on art journaling.  I hope to do some live videos as I work as well.  I hope it will inspire some who have thought of art journaling and those who are diligent art journalers, so they inspire us, as well.  You never know what I will work with next so hopefully you will all find something that you might try or experiment with.

©Carol Desjarlais 8.31.22

 

The List: Emotional Intelligence

 

 

“Reducing the distractions in your life can help free up trime and space.  It can also cut down your mental “to do” list.  From gathering and taking out the recycling to cleaning off your desk, making tangible open space around you can help to clear mental space for a new creative project.” – Lynn Gordon

Do you have a “to do” list in your head?  I do and I am driven get that list done by 10 am.  I do not know when that list started happening, but I am driven to get it done.  My doctor told me that was a sign of my slight OCD.  When ‘that’ list gets disturbed, I feel my body, mind, and emotions change.  I become frustrated.  Frustration is not good for me.  I have to work hard to put the things on ‘that’ list on to tomorrow’s list before I can settle.  Do you find your frustration escalates when you are distracted by person, place or thing? 

I feel my breathing change when I am becoming frustrated. My voice changes.  There is energy that builds and people have asked me if I was angry and I try to explain, “I am not angry – I am frustrated”.   It does not excuse my shift.   I am learning to pay attention to my body reactions to incidents.  I had almost two weeks of constant frustration, blocking, critique, emotional manipulation and, by the time the time period was over, I was exhausted, physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.  I am diabetic and I know sugar levels has a lot to do with unexplained mood shifts.  As well, drinking water makes a difference.  I am taking care of body so that I can better manage emotional intelligence as I work to find ways to keep my moods in less swing.  Whenever my ‘list’ is stopped by life, people, things, etc., I know to remind myself that all things do not need to be done by a certain time. 

I am able to ‘catch’ myself and the frustration does not last long.  As soon as I start to feel the adrenaline kicking in, I can usually stop it in its tracks.  (But, if an incident/trigger is ongoing for any length of time and it is seemingly constant, Then I have a harder time getting the reins on it and I will literally ‘work’ it off.  I will usually extricate myself from others and go do my self-work on my own since I am not fit for man nor beast until I dop get myself in control.  I recognize the feelings of anxiety, annoyance, and irritability.  I acknowledge it and try my best to get over it.  It is definitely a rise in adrenaline and when I am feeling anxious I tend to , if I am sitting,. Jiggle my knee, or I will find myself “whistling’ under my breath.  Seriously!  I whistle.  I think it is an unconscious way of controlling my breathing.  And, I will not be conscious of doing it at first.  Now that I know these are my projections of that surge of adrenaline, I am better able to act in a more emotionally mature way.  I do have to say, not always.  Those are more the physical inclinations that I am about to lose my proverbial chite. 

If an external trigger is ongoing for some time, I have a lower and lower tolerance for further frustration.  I think the frustration comes from not having control and self-control gets lost in the need to manage life’s incidents, yet, it all gets enmeshed and I become frustrated at a higher and higher level.  Stress builds along with the frustration and frustration builds due to the stress.  At some point, there is a sense that I cannot cope and then I am frustrated with self because I cannot cope.  It is a mishmash of internal confusion, and suddenly my Ego gets into it all and I begin to feel defensive…freeze, fright, flight is the next step to it all, unless…unless… I gather up some small self-control and deal with it in a state of closing down emotion and just getting through with as much dignity and grace as I can.  Neither dignity or grace happens often. 

I am working on dealing with stress this year.  Last year was fear and my base of fear that seeped through every aspect of my life, and I was not conscious of it.  This year, working on stress, I am very aware that I have also lived a stressful life, even my career was high stress, and I am ‘un-learning’ my typical reactions to such.  I am clearing my lie of stressors that are unique to me as yours is unique to you.  It is as if I make myself face my stressors so that I might know them for such, learn to prepare for such, and then put my coping skills to test.  I am ot always successful, in fact, I put myself in such precarious situations that I have failed more than succeeded.  Once I get through it, either failing or succeeding, I let it go and walk away knowing that I am done with that stressor, be it people, place, thing.  It is a ‘not kind’ thing to do to myself, but it is as if I am driven to finally see a stressor for what it is and , in some way, either let it go or keep it and learn to deal with it.

Emotional intelligence is all about regulating oneself., methinks.  When I am feeling frustration, I have learned to distract myself with something physical that tames the growing adrenaline rush. (remember me blogging about my granddaughter saying: “Look, Mom, grandma is mad cleaning!”)   I am learning to verbalize how I am feeling and that I am not angry, I am frustrated!  I am learning that I cannot expect others to automatically discern what feeling is being expressed by me.  I am learning to be mindful of my emotions and the people, places, things that are my stressors.  I am building my tolerance so I might live a calmer, more graceful life.  Have it known that I am a slow learner sometimes.  I will get this yet.  I refuse to be overwhelmed any more.  I get through my list as best I can and move the leftovers to another day’s list.  I will always be an internal list-maker.  I am working hard on Emotional Intelligence. 

©Carol Desjarlais 8.30.22

 

Creativity: A Percolation Of The Unconscious

 

 

“Creative Expression may seem to spring from the movement of a paintbrush across a canvas or the vibration of the vocal chords through a singer’s lips.  But the origin of creativity lies much deeper; its actually the percolation of the unconscious that bubbles up onto the canvas or into a concert hall.  To tap into that source, slow down, tune out the static, and rest the brain.  Go to the local Zen center (or your bedroom closet), meditate for an hour, and note the thoughts that struggle to the surface.  Take a nap and write down what you dream.  Or be your own analyst –lie down, close your eyes and just start talking.” – Lynn Gordon

 

I might have an idea of colors that I will slather on to the substrate.  I might do some scribbling.  I begin a sketch.  But, then, almost all of the time, I stop consciously trying to force my will upon the work I am doing.  It is then something takes over and I am no longer in control.  I call it My Muse, scientists call it The Unconscious. Earlier, someone said it was madness – probably Freud.  What, where, does this sudden lapse into creativity come from?  It is beyond thought.  It becomes process and intuition of some sort. I try not to wonder and just accept.

When I sink into that creative space, I lose track of time and there is a peace that comes over me as the image appears.  I am using thought processes and my hand takes on a life of its own as the colors are applied.  I seem to sink into the creation and all else in the room is faded out.  My unconsciousness fades out all else but the process.  Yes.  That is describing how it feels.  I become emotionally attached to the image that is appearing.  Somehow, the unconsciousness captures me stroke by stroke.  Sometimes, my hand goes numb and I get toa point where I have to take a break and let the image rest, my creative mind rest.  I come out of that space with a growing sense of joy that she is appearing before my eyes.  I am conscious, but it has been a numbed consciousness and it is tiring in ways it is hard to describe.  I let the layers dry and I distract myself for a time.  I am, though, even as I draw away from that sacred space, being constantly drawn back to add more color, more deatil, but it is as if I have to do the painting in steps and my Muse becomes tired, or tired of me, and I break off that coaxing in order to rest, to let creativity rest, it seems.

How do you describe THAT SPACE you go to when creating?  Do you experience That Space in any other activity?  I do.  When I read a good book, I tend to go to that comfort zone of timelessness.  What do you do that leads you to that space of a type of prayer, a meditation, a holy space?

©Carol Desjarlais 29.8.22

Each photo represents a time I have drawn myself from that creative space and rest.