“Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” Maya Angelou
There is a German word, “Sehnsucht” which infers an uncontrollable/inconsolable yearning/longing for something we can not quite put our finger on. It is an illusive yearning but it is strong, undiscovered and complex. It is a sudden cloak that forces us to pay attention to the feeling. It is insistent and persistent. It is almost a grieving for something you have lost and have, yet, to rediscover. It comes from the deepest part of Self and you are left with that yearning than needs come to be in order for you to feel whole, to matter, to feel you have a purpose. The yearning becomes the purpose, and a sense of demanding refusal to give in until you truly seek it. I believe that it is LOVE in all its forms. It is a gnawing need for acceptance, for kindness, for compassion and, yes, for a fulfilling sense of JOY. We have had little of it as our world becomes more and more divisive.
It takes Self-discipline to gain such things. We may have forgotten that we have to work to have it, that we do not earn it, we have to deserve it. We have to physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually work towards deserving it. It is something we cannot force, control in others, or automatically consider our deservedness.
We have to step past our fear and know that love cannot reside where there is fear. If we want peace, we cannot cause chaos and conflict. We have to become, truly, compassionate, respectful, and see ourselves but a grain of sand in a mighty raging ocean right now. We have to become intercultural human beings and not see differences as negatives, no matter how we have been conditioned to think of the EGO/I as best, as right, as enough and judging other cultures to be “the enemy”. Perhaps, in our divisiveness, WE are the enemy of love, peace, and joy.
We have to discover, for ourselves, that compassion and empathy is what is going to get us through some tough(er) times. Have we learned this over the last couple of years, or have we learned to be foot-stomping children, who rebel against what is good for all? The honor of one is the honor of all. To understand the need(s) in others is to begin to understand our own need(s). Compassion leads us to the giving of service to others and in this comes a sense of community, of connection, of love as will fill all our voids.
So, is our yearning huge gaping maws within us? Have you tried sincere agape love? Wait, do not think that I am speaking Christian agape love. I am speaking of the early Greek word that means a love that is benevolent, willful delight and goodwill towards others. It speaks to the giving of love that is beyond physical, romantic, sexual love. It is about charity for others and self. It is about losing oneself (the ever I) for the better good. It is a humbling love. It is a forgiving love, a surrendering love. It is unconditional love. I believe, and have always just had it in me, to love, to love in spite of everything else. To find a way to love until strike three when I love myself enough to let love go. I have loved enough to stop the yearning for returned love and become able to calmly, quietly, close the door to my heart, forgive them and myself, and walk away. It does not mean that love totally goes away. It doesn’t. It means that love can become an addiction and we move away from love to a controlling manipulative love until we get it. We surrender that not everyone will love us back. It means, as I said, that I have enough compassion for myself that I allow that person to walk away as I walk away myself. In that is the peace of love. In that is Self-love. An agape love for self. The yearning stops and the empowerment of knowing that dimension of love fills us. Sometimes it has taken a long time to get to that state. We are conditioned otherwise, most times. To walk away without bitterness, without anger, with pure unadulterated acceptance and surrender to outcome, is huge enough to quieten the yearning for things to have been different.
What can we do, today, to quiet the yearning?
©Carol Desjarlais 9.3.21
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