That Comfort

Old age is not a disease - it is strength and survivorship, triumph over all kinds of vicissitudes and disappointments, trials and illnesses. Maggie Kuhn

Seriously, as we become "elder", our emotions will run the gambits of highs and lows.  Hopefully we have found ways to feel comfortable in our own skin.  Hopefully we have learn to break habits and patterns that undercut our being here.  What is our comfort when things become uncomfortable?  I do not mean denial, nor minimizing our truths, but things that truly positively comfort us.

Each of us is unique.  None of us wants to become a burden to those we love or society, and so we seek ways to be a succor.  How do we rest; physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually so that we might be reenergized?  How do we altar our negativities so that we might be a positive force, even under the duress of our body breaking down?  it does.  We cannot hide it.  We cannot cover up or pretend that this is not happening t us.  It is and how do we not move into fear and fear-based reactions?

Examining our past ways of comforting ourselves may lead to awareness of how our means of comfort might be disabling, albeit innocuous?  How do we embrace our mode(s) of comfort without those very things being avoidance?  Life is not about endurance.  Life is about more than momentary comforts, it is more than choosing denigrating ways of comfort(s).  How do we be "in" the world without draining others with our neediness? 

Comfort is not about turning outside Self in order to feel appeased, feel connected, feeling 'enough'.  Choosing ways of comfort that are negative, in the long run, causes more dysfunction.  Avoidance and withdrawal does not solve any 'comfort' issues.  It can become addictive to stay isolated, to stop interacting with life, to move into things that anesthetize us rather than inspire us to learn new lesson.  Suppression of interactions means you are giving up on that which makes life move ahead, progress from being a static human being rather than fulfill one's potential. 

Some tried and true ways that I have found comfort (like popcorn, like walking in circles muttering to self to ease stress...) eventually gave no relief.  I had to find new ways to comfort self.  What kinds of things do I try now?

I love burning sage, burning an earthly candle, and moving to my art desk and arting my heart out.  I know, now, why our elders used to sit in rocking chairs on the porch;  rocking is huge comfort and, as well, I know the benefits, psychologically, of Rocking Therapy.  I used to love to read books, now, reading books has become one I typically do when riding in a vehicle or motor home on long trips to fill in the boredom.  

Another Comfort activity was to clean house; when deeply stressed with lots of angst, I could clean house like a wildfire.  Not anymore.  Now I have to room by room, job by job.  That is pretty much an activity that no longer gives comfort.  I love to camp out in nature.  Still do.  And, I do find that so comforting to be out, after dark, with a campfire flame drawing stories in the night sky.  Music helps drown out things that are not comfortable, but one has to be in the mood for such.  These days, a lovely cup of Chai can do wonders in the evenings.  I know, moving back into cultural activities is going to, again, bring me spiritual comfort.  I have missed it these four years.  I am looking forward to finding cultural ways to gain comfort. 

 Maybe that is why some people smoke pot.  That has never been an option for me. And, they have never given themselves the opportunity to develop ways of positive comfort.  .  We need comforting.  It is another basic human need.  Sometimes just talking to a sister-friend can bring me comfort without her even knowing I needed it.  I see how my ways to getting Comfort have had to change.  Small things can bring such pleasures. 

Whatever we do, be aware of how it comforts us.  Do you know what small things bring you comfort?  Are we developing ways of comfort that can sustain us through the ravages of Elderhood?  Consider ways some ways we use negative and positive comforts.  Begin developing those ways of comfort for later.

I wish you comfort, sister-friends

©Carol Desjarlais 5.19.19