“You either walk inside your story and own it
or you stand outside your story and hustle for your worthiness.” - Brene Brown
Someone said, not too long ago, that my portraits
are all sad. She then, posted on my
sister's page that all her faces were so good because they were happy. We got the insinuation. When we are sunk into the creative process,
what comes out, we cannot be sure because Muse takes over. Every painting I do is a prayer, a chunk of
mediation, a freeing place of just being.
Every painting is part of my story in some way. At some point in my paintings, perhaps after
layer upon layer, my soul steps into the painting. If I am truly in tune with that deep soul
place, I feel it. It is a place where I
have quieted the background noises, quieted the inner voices, quieted my body,
mind, heart and soul. It is there that
is my story.
In that beautiful void, I am listening to my very
soul. In that place of peace is the
heart of my story. Sometimes we do not
even know our own stories. We have
listened to other people telling it. Often
we shift what others' story of us is into what our Ego can accept. Still, it is not our story.
In my story, I am my own hero. In my story are my unwritten things. My soul has expressed itself and I get to
know more of that inner connection to The Great. It expresses my authentic loneliness, my
truths about my listlessness, my swallowed voice. Every painting bears witness to me about my story. It heals those hurting places I show and tell
no one else. I can look back at some of
my older paintings and know the time and space it came from. There is always something of me just beyond
the painting and the character. I can
look at my paintings and see why I used what may look like random colors,
textures, shapes and lines.
I become my own counselor in that I am healed,
comforted, soothed by allowing my soul to express itself. I will always encourage others to begin
anywhere, somewhere, somehow, to delve into that sacred space where we create
and express our deepest soul self. Our
story is that which is created in every piece of creation we do.
©Carol Desjarlais 5.11.19
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