“Man
was born for society. However little He may be attached to the World, He never
can wholly forget it, or bear to be wholly forgotten by it. Disgusted at the
guilt or absurdity of Mankind, the Misanthrope flies from it: He resolves to
become an Hermit, and buries himself in the Cavern of some gloomy Rock. While
Hate inflames his bosom, possibly He may feel contented with his situation: But
when his passions begin to cool; when Time has mellowed his sorrows, and healed
those wounds which He bore with him to his solitude, think you that Content
becomes his Companion? Ah! no, Rosario. No longer sustained by the violence of
his passions, He feels all the monotony of his way of living, and his heart becomes
the prey of Ennui and weariness. He looks round, and finds himself alone in the
Universe: The love of society revives in his bosom, and He pants to return to
that world which He has abandoned. Nature loses all her charms in his eyes: No
one is near him to point out her beauties, or share in his admiration of her
excellence and variety. Propped upon the fragment of some Rock, He gazes upon
the tumbling waterfall with a vacant eye, He views without emotion the glory of
the setting Sun. Slowly He returns to his Cell at Evening, for no one there is
anxious for his arrival; He has no comfort in his solitary unsavoury meal: He
throws himself upon his couch of Moss despondent and dissatisfied, and wakes
only to pass a day as joyless, as monotonous as the former.” ― The Monk
And so it is a basic need, and, no
matter how much we say we love isolation, we will suffer and it will be evident
that we are suffering. Why do you think
prisoners are put in isolation? I am
sure we have all seen and heard the stories.
We are not talking about loneliness.
I am talking about lack of contact with others: of thinking we are controlling things, but,
in reality, there is nothing there to control.
We may abuse ourselves because we may have had an incident that made us
withdraw from someone. But, the gist is,
we only isolate ourselves and that does not hurt the other a whit. Avoiding others does not solve our problem. Our problem is in knowing HOW to interact and
that our withdrawal is a nonsensical type of manipulation of others. No one suffers but us.
We can think we are protecting our
self, we can think that we can escape unpleasant or threatening circumstances,
but the mind is a strange thing. Without
contact with others, our Lizard Brain is given full reign and it will attempt
to control you and eat you from the inside out.
We are isolated with no defense as our Lizard Brain eats away at our
thoughts including harmful thoughts, damaging thoughts; to isolate ourselves is
to give up our own self-control and allowing the dark side a space to dig at
us. In fact, it can become chronic isolation where we end up not being able to
pull ourselves out of our own self-imposed cage.
The more isolated we stay, the more
we lose motivation to do things for others.
The more we stay isolated, the greater the fear of everything to do with
interactions. The more we stay away from
others, the more our self-esteem is winnowed away. The more we refuse to interact with life, the
less and less self-control we actually have.
It is avoidance of having to control self, actually. Abdication of Life outside our own
heads.
Sometimes, I find myself isolating
myself due to mood. It is not that I am depressed;
it is simply a lack of motivation for whatever reason. Sometimes I withdraw when I am working on
'stuff'. I am not ever healthy when I
withdraw. It means I may be protecting
others from my mood. I am a lone wolf
when this happens and I go out into the forests of my quiet and work my own
stuff out. Of course, if I stay there
too long, I know I would become more anxious which defeats the purpose. It creates a negative behavioral pattern
where I think I could stay there because it is easier than working my 'stuff'
out. And, having a career and all the
training in behavioral sciences, I know that this self-imposed isolation is a
first step for those with suicidal ideation.
In all, self-imposed isolation leads to more emotional isolation
attempts in order not to deal with outside turmoil because we are sinking more
and more into detachment from life and its beautiful shadows that make us
appreciate the sunshine things of life more.
It is a way of making
self-imposed repression of joyful things in order to manipulate or to control
others, when in fact, we are doing nothing more than shutting down bit by bit.
Sometimes, we cope by shutting other
people out, by shutting ourselves in. But,
having this become a habit is so destructive to self-esteem, through denial and
avoidance. Nothing grows. We become stagnant. The beauty of your uniqueness becomes muddied
and you will have a harder and harder time crawling out. Why do prisoners of war suffer so much
greatly when isolated? Why is isolation
a tactic used to break down individuals?
Your answer is there. Being
connected to an ever changing, ever-growing life outside our own heads is
paramount for a peaceful, dignified, happy, giving life. Don't cage yourself in. Not only is it narcissistic, it is damaging
to every quadrant of life. Don't become
so stagnant that no life can happen there.
It is not worth it. Withdraw for
a short time, if you must, but do not tread into agoraphobia. Agoraphobia is a place of the great
anxiousness you can experience, where your fear and avoidance brings on more
and more panic and you become more trapped, more helpless, and more ashamed and
it is a vicious cycle so difficult to get out of.
That place inside your head is not a
full-time job because there is a dark soul in there. Find a way out, if you are there, find someone
to lift you out, start digging and understand what isolation gifts you
with. Is it positive or negative? Do you truly enjoy it in there? Not many of us do. You are needed in the world whether you think
so or not. By isolating ourselves, we
isolate others, and we all lose the gifts we are meant to be.
©Carol Desjarlais 5.21.19
Is much easier to isolate when situation allows it. Ie; retirement. I think we should be allowed to work till we drop. WOrk requires one to associate with others, not allowing isolation. ALong with other quirks of aging being by oneself takes no effort.One can bitch and complain and wonder away to the past with no one knowing. Evaluating life I call it. Having friends means effort. hell going out takes effort .
ReplyDeleteYes, it does, betimes, take effort... but I am thinking avoid it like the plague...lol.. soon enough, we will be parked in a corner, told what to eat and when, yadda yadda.. while we can, I think out and about is a necessity. xoxoxoxoxo thanks for the talk! xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThe loss of motivation comes from the necessity to be valued , When we get up go to work make money , it is necessary. We are driven by the fact we are needed and we need things. I find the lack of such creates isolation in part. The lack of value. It becomes easy after a time. Ones own company is necessary. the other not. Hugs.
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