It Is Always Hardest Before It Gets Better

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."—Christopher Robin to Pooh, A.A. Milne

When we make huge life decisions, there will the festering boil of emotions that come with it.  As with all boils, it reaches its pinnacle and then pops...well, same goes for all hard, painful, right things we may decide to do.  If we are making a choice to break away from something that is not serving us well, we are moving towards ways to soothe, to heal, to nurture ourselves.  It is not easy and it takes strong will.

So many of us have given service, in some way, as a part of our very being.  Some of us chose caretaking careers.  Usually we have had patterns and the challenges that go with being enmeshed and coerced into believing our "Good" is serving and we get lost in all the service.  We feel guilt, feel lacking, feel 'not enough' if we are not helping someone else.  It is very difficult for those of us who are service-oriented to dare to be nurturing, kind, patient, and focused on what we really need.  Perhaps we chose care giving because it is what we need most, ourselves.  Sometimes the things we need to do is to really nurture our souls after we acknowledge we have done ourselves some disservice.

Life has a million million transitional phases for us.  Some of us were, and remain, adventurers.  Some of us feel like we have been gypsies and travelled hither and thither and throe.  Some of us have avoided living our lives to its fullest because we bought into some ideal that we are only 'good' if we are serving others.  Heaven knows, we fear being self-interested and take that first step into being something other than that which will eventually leave us feeling victimized.  But, choices...choices...choices. 

Out there, just a reach away, should we finally accept that something has to change, and it is us, we take that first step, make that first decision that will allow us to be who we really are, with 'assuredness' of heart mind and soul, and we immediately begin nurturing our very soul.  How long she must have waited for us to take this leap of faith.

We are reaching the slower years that allow for more time to contemplate where, how, why, we are stuck.  But, our very bones knows we are and it requires that we change some things.  We are late late late for a very important date/decision.  Change gets harder with age.  But, we have an inner resilience because we have 'been there', 'done that' many times before.  

We can desperately need change, need being engaged in the adventure, in some way, and sometimes we need to take that huge leap.  As we prepare to leap, we need NOT listen to our Ego that will tell us NONONONONONO!  Our Ego manages very well if we stay in the same rut, in the same place, time, that is truly sucking us dry from the inside out.  How long has your soul wept, been in excruciating emotional pain, been bereft... and yet we stumble over the same clods, against many odds, to remain in that wounding place?  Too long.  

I am a great one to talk.  I, too, have been a caregiver all my life, to so many who did not deserve my dedication.  We know that physically, life gets harder as we age.  Intellectually, we may be finding ourselves slower.  emotionally, we will already have to struggle for emotional balance due to the changes age brings.  What we still have and what will remain, is our opportunity to make this downhill slide an easier one for ourselves and change what we can in order to find the peace and calm that making sure we are in a safe place;  physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.   May we be blessed with the strength to do what takes strength for now, to move ourselves into time, space, and place that we can nestle in.

©Carol Desjarlais 3.14.19