Cram On Your Crown

"Cram that crown on your head and show them the Queen that you are!" - CD

Oh, my gosh, how do we not know that someone adores us, someone cares for us, someone loves us?  It is all around us.  We do not have to know exactly who, but there are people out there who truly know our worth, even better than we do.

Think of the love we have put out into the ether.  It is there, generating and turning and tumbling and twirling in the ether and landing on someone who needs us... perhaps...just perhaps, it is us, receiving it back.  Someone treasures us.  Do we always need exact validation?  Words are cheap.  Love is not.  How can we ever know who feels we are a treasure to them.

We all know how it feels to be around someone who does not validate their 'treasurable' being.  Now, I am not saying to walk around thinking we are the biggest best treasure.. maybe we are jsut a little treasure.  No mater.. someone treasures us.  Why can we not recognize that our very being on this earth means we were chosen?  We are enough!  We are worthy of such wonderful things.  Let us always treasure and cherish who we are, warts and all.  Let us learn to accept our 'enoughness', our worthiness.  Oh, a long time ago, I remember being told that God does not make garbage.  Why did I let that pass me by without really understanding and believing that?    We do not need accolades.  We do not need awards.  We do not need the bestest and the highest... we are enough.  

Have we thrown our pearls amidst swine...well, heck yes we have.  Did we learn not too!  Yes, we must.  Have we buried our authentic love in some deep hole in our hearts because we have been hurt?  Yes, sometimes we have.  Was it not filled again and again - that well of 'goodness towards others'?  It was, sometimes we did not recognize it when it came, but it did.

I remember my middle daughter speaking at a healing circle that I brought my students to, at Pikani.  I washed each student's feet, and told them to forgive me if I had ever failed them, and that I loved them, and then my daughter's too.  Then the whole circle of youth each went up to the front, at closing ceremonies, and spoke from their very souls.  My daughter went up to the microphone and I shrunk thinking how often I may have failed her.  (Always a mother who felt she did not do enough).  And she said, "I always thought my mother was giving away all her love to her students.. now, I know, it did not take anything from me.  She just has so much love to give!"  Whew!  I could not have loved her more than that moment.  

It is a note to know that she sunk into dysfunction and woundedness and hurt that even I could/cannot pull her from.  I can do no more.  I did my best.  As she became an adult, I know I could do no more than watch as she self-destructed.  She is a constant prayer on my lips.

I took some training from a Southern California psychiatrist that did a workshop.  He spoke of around 20 dysfunctions, that might show up in our children/youth/adults we might work with and therapies we could apply.  We spent one full day taking notes, drawing quick breaths of panic, and on the final day, he closed off the workshop with:
"And when you have done all this, to the best of your abilities, then you pray!"
I am pretty sure there have been prayers for me.  Many.  I felt them.  I heard them.  I was blessed by them.  That alone should make one feel worthy, should it not?  No, sometimes it just does not sink into our souls because we are so busy fending 'stuff' off.  Sometimes I gave more than I could afford.  Sometimes I was crushed.  But, while bent to the ground, something took place and I rose to give again.  We are all blessed with resiliency and strength if we are willing to tap into it.  

The biggest lesson, sometimes, is being in a space where we can receive, from those who are giving out assurances that we are enough, we are good enough to worry about, and we are a blessing to them...and to ourselves.

We are more valuable to the larger picture than we can ever imagine.  It is enough.  We do not need to know exactly.  We have to have faith tht we are and that we touched someone we might not even realized we touched.

Yes, yes, cram on that crown, sister-friends!

©Carol Desjarlais 3.19.19