Embrace Your Older Self

"I am working hard to do no more 'Body Shaming'.  I am who I am, I am what I am, I might change my mind in a minute, but right now, I am okay!  My bones will weigh the same as everyone else's when I am French Fried." - CD

Who amongst us is in their 60-70-80th decade of life?  I am in my 70th decade, but feel like I am a young person trapped in an old body.  It is hard some days.  I am not kidding.  This crap is real.  There is no guidebook for this.  We are out on a limb as ever we were with our first baby, maybe more so.  What we have to figure out is how to thrive in all this 'stuff' we are dealing with. 

Picasso said:  "Age only matters while one is aging."  Lord have mercy, he is right.  I have a foreboding sense of being late, late, late for a very important date.  We do have to figure out how to be creative, and not just in arting.  Our body has changes that we vaguely heard about... yes, we creak..yes, we have to heave our self out of bed or out of a chair.  We certainly were not ready to have this happen to us.  But, at the same time, we know our get up and go was ridden hard and put away wet. 

Perhaps what is choicest of all is that we have weeded people out of our lives, or they uprooted themselves, and we have the right kind of people ar0ound us.  Everyone needs that one friend that cheerleads, believe me.  

Our lives have changed in every element of living.  For some, it is drastic, for some it is hidden in denial, but, for most of us, we tread on very aware what is coming.  For some, there is relief that it is nearly done.  I can be all those in an hour.  

There are some things I want to do yet... well, have other people do for me:  a tattoo that says Do Not Resuscitate curving above where my breast should have been;  I want to make Bear's Hump one more time ( slowly and it might take me all day, but I am doing it!  Who's in with me?)  I want to make sure I enjoy the ride into the next place, hauling no garbage with me.  Another things is that I have imprinted in my grandchildren's lives.  I want them to remember a grandmother who adored them and was ever so much fun.

One has to remember not to plan too far ahead.  No, not because we are hoping we won't be here... but, because we have reminders written in our day planner of things to do those days and we do not know if the body will be willing.  

Our gentics will determine what the last hayride will be like.  For some, yes, they will be riding a wild horse into the darkness and yelling, "Here I am!"  For some, it will be that we leave with some regrets and unfulfilled wishes and dreams. But, we do have time yet.

Yes, we have time to do up some loose ends.  And we have time to undo some knots.  And we have time to follow threads of our heritage back and know we were danged lucky to be babyboomers.  I am pretty danged sure that I would not want to be my grandmothers.  

I am going to do one more thing.  I want to go riding in the mountains on a horse.  I want to tug on some boots, fit into some blue jeans, jamb on a hat and ride off into the forests I knew when I was younger.  That can come true.  I have all the necessary things except the strength to climb on and the stamina to stick it out.  

We all need a plan.  I am not going to regret not doing those things I have left, except the DNR.  I need to prioritize those things I want to do.  If they come to be, I will feel some pride at having done it.  I can have some peace knowing I tried.  And that is imperative...  I can make that happen, even at this late date. 

We simply want peaceable people around us, we want peaceable environment to live in, and we want peace right to our marrow within.  Those things we can do and have.  I am working on that, how about you?

©Carol Desjarlais 3.26.19