I Can't Cry If I Want To

 

 

 

“…I'll cry if I want to

 Cry if I want to

 You would cry too if it happened to you…”

• -Lesley Gore, It’s My Party

Releasing tears is releasing endorphins and oxytocin that helps us relapse emotions, emotional pain, and is a self-soothing maneuver.  It tells others that we are in emotional pain.  It expresses our vulnerability.  And, did you know, there are three kinds of tears made up of three different kinds of composition?  And, what if one cannot cry, no matte the emotions?  It is something many of us experience.

The three kinds of tears are basal tears that are made up of three layers of fluids that are the kind of tears that wash out the eyes, rids eyes of dust, protect the eye from drying out, and are constantly being shed and taken in through the tear ducts.

Emotional tears are produced when emotion are high.  These tears are triggered by intense feelings.  These tears contain proteins, hormones such as prolactin, potassium, magnesium, and stress hormones.  They are emotional release.

Reflex tears are produced in the lachrymal gland and are primarily water.  They are like basal tears, and are for the same reason but are more prolific and contain more ability to fight bacteria.

For those of us who cannot seem to cry emotional tears, it means that we most likely are those who avoid feelings.  We tend to suppress released of stress hormones, and tend to be isolationists about our emotions.  When we are people like this, we need to develop coping skills around emotional tensions.  We need a better support system so that we have supportive people who we can go to to express our emotions.  We are those who have been conditioned to think that crying is a weakness.  In some cultures, and ages, crying was seen as a feminine weakness.  Boys were conditioned not to cry. Thus, emotional patterns such as numbness and suppression happened.  As well, and this is me, we are afraid to cry because we feel like, if we start, we will never quit.  I grew up with a father who told u to “dry up” and, yet, a mother who wept often.

It is why I do so much art journaling and portraits, I believe.  I am allowing emotion to be released symbolically.  I can cry for other people, but cannot seem to draw up tears for myself, and believe me, I have had reason to weep.  I distract myself, often, from authentic feelings.  I keep busy, too busy, betimes.  I can clean a house from top to bottom when I have reasons to weep.  I cannot, in 76 years, figure out HOW to weep and cannot weep at m own command.  The moment someone says, “...and don’t you dare cry…” that ends any chance I am able to.  I will hear voices from the past say “dry up” and “don’t” and am sensitive to the hugging and back rubbing that stalls tears.  We need to allow emotions to flow free, to be acknowledged and to be named. 

Our automatic reaction to others tears is to, unconsciously, do anything o stop them, a if in fear that something dire might happen.  We might cry too, as if that is one of the worst things ever.

I keep telling myself to cry... just cry... but I cannot dredge up the will.  And so, I turn to this:  I objective weeping through art and strength-speak, when I should be begging others for help to cry.