When I was in University, I was Mature Student President, and I ran into so many different ideologies, and especially feminism and different feminist groups because there was a great Women’s Issues program there. I thought it wise for me to become more informed since I was newly separated and was going through a nasty divorce and I was fighting to keep my babies. ( I won, btw). I came out of that relationship with very low self-esteem, and to be honest, a real despise for males and patriarchy (actually Patriarchy was the worse of it). I had to break free of a great deal of litany and desperately wanted freedom of my spirit from the middleman control of it. I did not so much as slam the door on it, but I slowly found ways of living and believing that soothed my soul not be made to feel like dirt, like garbage, less than. I struggled with being female. I struggled with Patriarchy and religion. I had reasons to and I realized I could no longer have anything between me and my Creator. At University I met women who called themselves witches, both white and dark, and covens, and was curious about it all. They seemed so empowered as women and their groups were close and mysterious, yes, some were. I learned to keep what was good for my soul and discard that which was not. I was never a witch, by the way, but I did become stronger, spiritually, as I eased away from restrictive, terrifying, ideologies of God and dropped the use of the term and used “Creator” to define my Omnipresent Being. I, also, became very interested in the goddesses as I found comfort kn the feminine. It is why you see me blog so often about the goddesses. It brings me comfort to feel like…well, to feel like …there was someone, something, symbolically, on our side, the feminine side of spirituality. It was important to me and I researched and lived the Good red Road and found spiritual comfort that I had never known before.
Some of the things that really stand out for me was 1) that the Elders teach that Creator is neither male nor female, that spirit is genderless 2) that women were feared by males because of our co-creative capabilities – that we could bleed and lie, that we could carry and give birth to babies, and men feared what they did not understand and thought it was Power that they had to subdue.
When women became abused and wounded, killed and raped enough, and that they were thought of as owned by men, many fled to the woods, to islands, to other lands where they could gather in feminine groups. They learned the way of the lands, the herbs, the healing, the Red Tent mysteries. (BTW, if you have not read the Red Tent, by Anita Diamant, I truly ask you too). The women remembered the teachings about the goddesses, pre-Christianity, and they lived the ways of old when women knew who they were and honored themselves as co-creators. Then came the Middle ages and the ‘burnings’, because women gathering and women mysteries were terrifying Patriarchal systems.
Earth-based connections and knowledge of the goddesses has dissipated in these new ways of living. So many of us grew up with little knowledge taught about the ancient feminine ways. We do not worship goddesses, though, those of us who have relearned and are relearning. We honor them yes, as we do all the great teachers of time. Honoring goddesses does not replace religion, it is more a way of living, not an organised religion. It is a way of seeking feminine comfort and healing when we may have gone through atrocious experiences of being female and conscious. We, who each have our own way of honoring the old ways and the feminine origins and ways of survival, are each finding ways to that peace and pride and solace so lost in many of our lives. Many have walked away from organized religions and have slowly, dearly, sweetly, found ways of being that is more tender, more feminine in nature. We seek the sacred in nature and in each other.
In a way, we are feminists in our own unique ways. We are not all the pot banging, pink hat wearing, stiletto heel stomping, kind of women. We are women who seek peace, who seek freedom and justice, who seek kindred spirits to gather with, who seek the holy in all things. We are women who value intuition and self-expression, and honor our own bodies and gifts and abilities. We seek the sacred in each other and all things. We seek freedom from misogyny and oppression because of our gender. We do not need a label nor a slot to be fitted into to define us. We quietly seek ways to honor and to comfort self, each other, Mother Nature and all our sisters who might need feminine care and compassion.
So, no, I am not a witch, (although I was once asked if I was). I am merely a woman trying to find comfort in her own skin, seeking teaching and learning about feminine history, seeking solace for wounds that Patriarchy wielded upon me, and a freedom of spirit against the tyranny of inequality of body, mind and soul. Yes, I am a solace-seeker who turns to all things feminine to gain the comfort and empowerment needed to carry on being female and conscious in today’s world.
©Carol Desjarlais 24.10.20
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