“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anais Nin
Life means that we will go through what we are meant to go through. Within it, there is fear. Fear can motivate us or fear can stall us or hurt us. We end up with three choices: get through it or run from it. Fight/freeze or flight. I tend to push the fear to the side and get through whatever it is as fast as possible because I believe in endings of what frightens me. I, also, tend to refuse to not allow fear to control me. But, then, there is the other: perhaps it is disassociation at a low level. I block it and keep on with what I am doing or need to do.
Did you know that fear is learned and that we are conditioned to fears of all sorts, right from the beginning of life. What is learned can be unlearned. We must use self-discipline and not use fear as a scapegoat for not trying, for avoiding, for attention, etc. Because there truly are things to fear:
We fear not fitting in with our tribe (ancient reactions to what was life or death in having a tribe or being on ones own).
We fear loss of respect by our tribe. To lose respect means to spend your entire life trying to prove yourself rather than progress and evolve naturally. Along with this is the fear of embarrassment
We fear loss of one’s tribe, loss of love, abandonment, rejection, criticism.
We can fight for ourselves (not always to be a defensive person). We can flee and miss the opportunity to show how courageous, how resilient, we can be.
We can freeze and never mature and grow in self-confidence and self-esteem. We can spend our life saying “I cannot!”. We can train ourselves to believe this and then we react physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually unwilling to try. Fear starts with a hollow gong in the pit of our stomach. Our moths may go dry. Our throat and voice get scratchy. Our heart will start to pound. Fear becomes a habit, a pattern, and we are stalled from progressing.
Our thoughts churn. We can become paralyzed because the brain has gone into fight or flight mode. Fear undermines our authentic emotions, and our spirit is chained to the curb of unhappiness. It is a choice to stay in the frozen space of fear.
What you think of yourself, your sense of pride, of accomplishment, of happiness is key in overcoming fears of all kinds. If we live “as of” something is fearful and everlasting, or “as if” something is to be overcome and only temporary, makes the difference to all aspects of who you are physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. If you feel fear, you act fearful and it is easy to find all sorts of things to fear. If you act courageous, you will act accordingly in all areas of your life. So many little things to fear, if we choose too. As well, we can “unlearn” our illogical fears by choosing to react differently to things we previously feared. A little spider out doing his spidery business and we see it out of the corner of our eye. Is he huge beyond measure? Or, is he nothing more than a little soul out doing his own soulful work. Unless we live where there are wolf spiders or huge tarantulas, it can not hurt you yet we blow it all out of proportion. A little mouse out and about doing its mousy little business. Do we make it a huge monster? Can it kill us? Will it make us beleed to death? No? Then what is there to fear? Rather than developing and clinging to fear, how about developing clinging to courage? If we discipline ourselves enough, those little fears will dissipate and courage take fear’s place.
Make a decision that a certain thing is no longer going to be something you fear. The moment it arises, or the thought of it, deal with it immediately. Can it kill you? Can it make you bleed too death? No? then it is nothing to fear. The more you act courageous, the more courageous you will be. Do not let fear rule you. You rule your fears.
I spent last year dealing with the fact that I had let fear make every decision in my life. Most people, who know me in the real, would never think I was a fearful person. I have had to take long walks into my shadowy areas to seek out key triggers to fears. I continue to do so because fear was deeply embedded in my psyche. As I began to conquer those hidden secret fears, I noticed my life was getting lighter and lighter, to run more smoothly, to become more… what can I compare it too? More Blossomy! No more beating around the bush. No more handing out more blossoms than I have. No more giving away my beauty to those who did not have a clue were receiving a bit of my soul every time I offered up what I had so little of. I refuse to fight. I refuse to defend myself. I take it is as it is and it gets easier to-do the more I do it. I refuse, now, to allow fear to take away the colors of my brave soul journey down here on earth.
What illogical fears do you have? What are you courageous about? What have you conquered that gives you more sense of pride in self? Have you allowed fear to leave you not much more than a shell of who you were meant to be? How can you express this post in an art journal page of your own?
©Carol Desjarlais 5.10.23
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