Echoism

 

 

"People feel closer to us when we allow ourselves to become a gleam in their eyes…Enjoying our moments on the pedestal elevates not only us but also those we love." Dr. Craig Malkin

We have met narcissistic people.  We have taken names and made notes.  But we have also met ‘Echoists’. 

Narcissists are those extremely self-centered, have an inflated sense of self, and a craving for attention and praise for being such.   They can be arrogant, entitled, overbearing, competitive, and lack empathy.  It can be a personality disorder or as simple as a personality trait.

Echoism is the opposite end of the scale.  They have a fear of being seen as narcissistic.  They fear being a burden to others.  They are extreme givers and vehemently refuse receiving.  They seem modest and are self-effacing.  Interesting, of course, that both the narcissist and the echoist are self-centered. 

Both traits come from Greek mythology.  Narcissist fell in love with his own reflection and became so self-absorbed that he did not eat, sleep, and died because of it.  Echo was condemned to repeat the last words of anyone who spoke to her and fell in love with narcissist but could only echo him and died of a broken heart for his rejection that she grieved heavily over. 

An echoist will act too shy to ever stand out, to speak her truth, to take a stand, to stick up for herself.  She is one who never feels, right to her soul, that she deserves anything, especially any kind compliments.  She is one who lives her life according to others and has such a negative personality trait that she cannot ask for help, ever.  Trust and loneliness are part of her issues.  They are pleasers to the max and never try to win favor of any kind, ever.

Echoists will always feel depressed, sad, lonely, exhausted and blame themselves for everything that others do to them.  You can seem even from the way they look, that life has beaten them down.  They are meek, and their identity evolves from how deeply they can help fulfil other peoples wishes and dreams even though they do not believe they should have needs and desires.  They are very much “yes” people and their boundaries are very unclear if they have them at all.

Yet, in their meekness is a paradox in that in their denial of arrogance, they diminish your presence. In their self-effacing, they show jealousy and envy yet sabotage their own successes.  In their demand for self-reliance, there is need that breaks them down emotionally.

It is suggested that we make lists of our accomplishments that we should be proud of, of things you have done/do that mean something to us.  Then make a list of things you absolutely would not do for anything.  Name a time when you have reached burn-out in life.  What traumatized you as a child so that you fear a joyful life, yet crave it enough to sell yourself short to gain instant gratification rather than sustained joy.  Echoists have a great depth of empathy and this is of credit karmic credit.  Find a balanced way of understanding who you are, and why, and that it is okay to shine, to express your self-esteem, and know your worth ad a unique individual with gifts and talents to share to make the world a better place because you are in it. 

Give yourself credit where credit is due.

©Carol Desjarlais 5.3.23