Artempowerment: Loss of Tenderness

As another year of covid happens but the clutches it holds us in is still here. I agree that we cannot open too soon. I am one, who, if I got it, am going to be really sick, methinks. The elderly already struggle with our own age-related issues. Covid would be devastating. It keeps us from being able to gather, to have a hug from someone we can trust, to feel a sense of compassion and tenderness in that. I am feeling a loss of tenderness.

We have been in a no touch zone for so long that I am suddenly aware that touch of another person is a thing of the past. I have always been a hugger. I am a giver, but I was not much for being hugged back. Now I crave it.

The absolute knowing that we are alone in so many ways, We are not in control of birthing. We are not in control of our returning to Creator. Someone must have a plan. We fear loss. From the first moment first woman open her eyes at the fall through the hole in the sky to land on Mother Earth, she had to immediately feel the loss. Each child, rupturing through to light and love ‘s potential of this ground, has to be weeping at the loss. And, we long to have a sense of belonging here and having the closeness we lost in the womb. Some learn to deny it and the lack of closeness shows up in their lives. Some crave it too much. Sometimes we do some of both.

In most times, the longing comes from not having the cuddling, the whispered love words pf eye to eye love. Never mind blame. It is what it is. Healing from such is absolutely left up to you. No outside person, place or thing can fulfil the healing there that is needed.

Know that the craving for tenderness comes from a sense of needing protection. When the feeling of needing tenderness comes, seek out how you are feeling a need of protection, Who what, where where, why? Sounds simple enough but naming the feeling foir what it is can heal beginnings of tenderness issues.

We can mourn NOT having tenderness when we were little, but it does no good and does not heal on its own, in the background. We have to acknowledge that it something is out of control…out of OUR control. What we cannot control, we either rant and rail against or cave into. I suggest we just simply let it be and seek healthy way to receive tenderness. That tenderness must come from within for within.

I was a work-aholic. I thought naps were an abomination. I could allow myself a five minute power nap, but not often. Today, I look forward to naps. I do not go into the bedroom and lie on the bed. That would make it close to tyranny for me. I lay down on the couch and simply, sweetly, allow the couch and a great fluffy blanket to hold me. I no longer feel guilty about it and it helps me cope, helps me heal, as sleep always does.

Try to find something that delight another Person. Then dream you a way to give that to her. Her joy will transfuse into your joy. That micro-minute you see, eye-to-eye joy, you are seeing the effect of a kind of tenderness , given from you, accepted by another, and then it is given back to you.

I have received some surprise gifts, right in the middle of a sickness I could not deal with myself. I needed tenderness, care and compassion. I was as sick as if I had been food poisoned, but for more days of it. I was pretty low. I was some kind of low. I had no one to drive me. I took the risk of driving myself. I was way to sick to do though. I was not anxious about it. I was resigned. I do pretty much everything on my own. At 2 in the morning, I drove myself to the hospital. I am diabetic. My body was reacting to the pre-insulin drug. I was severely dehydrated and needed two bags of saline to feel the light of physical healing with the first few drops of that saline. I did not feel sorry for myself, but I felt defeated, in some way. Happens, the male nurse that admitted me and took me far down the hallways to the last room, chattered along to me, brought me a warm blanket, and sat with me to wait for the emergency doctor. He was a fabulous PR person. He asked me if I needed water. No one ever asks if I need something. I, typically, have shown them, right off, I am a “do it myself” kind of person. But, as sick as I was, I needed some tenderness and care. New lesson learned, “Stop being so damned independent you do not see or accept care and compassion.”

We all have great love within us, the ability to care, the ability to nurture, the ability to give tenderness to others.

Wheat can you do right now, today, about receiving/giving tenderness?

©Carol Desjarlais 2.11.22

Drawing the face is so easy for me now. Usually, I do not draw it first, I just dive in.

Actually, gouache is my favorite medium to work with. It has the push and pull of waterolors but the pigments are high,

See how it paints like watercolor?

The background hs to be done and I draw a blank.

There are bits of paint blobs and streaks on my substrate. Gouche is not going to cover that up. I kind of know, now, what I am going to do. Rika's inspration of flowers.