Just Trying To Breathe

 

 

 

“She sat at the back and they said she was shy,

She led from the front and they hated her pride,

They asked her advice and then questioned her guidance,

They branded her loud, then were shocked by her silence,

When she shared no ambition they said it was sad,

So she told them her dreams and they said she was mad,

They told her they'd listen, then covered their ears,

And gave her a hug while they laughed at her fears,

And she listened to all of it thinking she should,

Be the girl they told her to be best as she could,

But one day she asked what was best for herself,

Instead of trying to please everyone else,

So she walked to the forest and stood with the trees,

She heard the wind whisper and dance with the leaves,

She spoke to the willow, the elm and the pine,

And she told them what she'd been told time after time,

She told them she felt she was never enough,

She was either too little or far far too much,

Too loud or too quiet, too fierce or too weak,

Too wise or too foolish, too bold or too meek,

Then she found a small clearing surrounded by firs,

And she stopped...and she heard what the trees said to her,

And she sat there for hours not wanting to leave,

For the forest said nothing, it just let her breathe”

written by Becky Hemsley and is published in her book Talking to the Wild.

 

I am unable to write a blog these couple of days.  I am stunned silent.  War means my son may be in the fray.  He and his platoon were told a few months ago, to get ready.  Now, this.  I am so proud of him, but I do not know if I can be as brave this time.  It would be selfish of me to ask the Universe to keep him home and safe while people are being killed in a ridiculous war and his dream and training has been all about being a soldier who will help the world.  It would go against everything he believes in.  And so, I already know how it goes.  He goes and I try to keep my active imagination in control so I can be of help to his wife and seven children.   Ugh!

There is one thing in my favor, I heard today.  When he came back from Afghanistan, he had terrible PTSD...scary PTSD.  He has told me a fw things that were OMG awful, and things that were OMG scary.  But, he has not tokld it all.  He is stil on the PTSD meds.  They may skip him over and keep him home.  He would feel so bad and so defeated, but I would have compassion for it, but, inside, I woul be waving banners.

As well, I am not okay, yet, from being sick since the end of \January.  My body is still struggling with affects of taking a pill that poisoned me.  I am pushing through, though, and am doing better.  I am still not eating properly, so I get weak, yet.  But, am on Glucernia, a diabetic meal replacement, and am trying to force myself to eat at least a little something at least once a day. 

Needless to say, I just have not the umpf, and clear-headedness, I need just now.

I need to catch my breath here before I am able to write.