Do Not Let The Critical Inner Voice Devalue You

 

 

Hushing my critical inner voice is a full-time job.  Being so sick the first half of the month was hard on me, not just physically.  It was hard on me emotionally, as well.  I felt vulnerable.  I really really dislike feeling vulnerable.  I was in a time and space where I had no control.  It is hard to let that be.  And that darned Evil Inner witch had a heyday with me.

See, when the doctor showed me the chart of how my sugar average A1C was skyrocketing over the year he had said, about the lower drop, “There is where you were a good girl.”  Then he pointed to the highest peak (17.9 average over 3 months) and said, “There is where you are a bad girl.”  I was taken aback.

Well, over the two weeks since he said that, having a terrible reaction to Invokana (pre-insulin for CHD, etc.) and have been keeping track of every.danged.thing.that.went.in.my.mouth (diabetic diet) for two months , and eating dry sawdust meals or salads that go right through me, I became my EIW’s eviler twin.  How dare someone say whether I was “good” and ”bad”.  I projected my sense of loss of control on the word “good” and have decided it has to be taken from our language. 

All my EIW had to do was hear someone else criticize me in a negative way and she is off to the races.  Every serving of food was criticized for two months.  Then I got really sick and she was given free reign.  I was too sick to do the work to hush her.

Hushing her is usually an easy thing for me, now.  I simply find something else to think about.  It is like I have found a magic button and I push it.  I get up, if it is night and I am lying down, and do something that engrosses me.  I refuse to lie there springboarding from one fault (past, present, future) and flaw to another.  Believe me, she remembers every danged one, even some I had forgotten about.

The typical time she bothers me is when doing art.  But I have learned to push through or to walk away and come back to a piece she does not approve of.  In fact, I almost have her convinced I know better of myself than she does.

 

How do you shut out your Inner Critical Voice?  Have you named her?  Do you know whose voice she is?

©Carol Desjarlais 2.23.22

 

Do you see the error?   It had been fixed.  This is a case for when U SHOULD have listened.