Journaling Discomfort

I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few. -Brene Brown

 

Discomfort can be defined only by the individual experiencing it.  It is a sensation that can be everything from physical, to intellectual, to emotional to spiritual.  For some, it can be pain, awkwardness, fear, feeling wrong, feeling off, avoidance, a discontent.  Sometimes it comes from a feeling of not knowing, of not being satisfied, of being unsettled.  Sometimes we know why we are not comfortable and sometimes we do but something keeps us from conquering it.  

Sometimes it is just easier to avoid feeling that way and we will make up excuses for why we do not want to feel such.  Making excuses is a way of trying to problem solve.  We will give excuses to feel comfortable and stay in a place of not having to deal with circumstances.  What we need most is confidence.

I experience discomfort by my body turning on a tsunami of sweating.  A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to go to a festival and down to an evening of music down at a cay.  Sweat literally poured off me because...  I have suddenly become uncomfortable in crowds.  Who'd have known?  One who loved crowds, loved watching people, loved the excitement of something new, having a serious meltdown.  Vulnerability is tough on me.  I have always been impulsive.  I am the one who holds back in front of a deep mountain pool, gather my courage and would leap.  Suddenly, indecision and some kind of vulnerable feeling robs me of my confidence.  Just the acknowledging this will help me make my decisions to leap into an uncomfortable situation more quickly. 

This seems to be all about emotional insecurities and self-confidence seems to fade as we age.  Natural emotions, based on reality, are common.  In steps one's Ego/ Evil Inner Witch and this is when we question ourselves, our activities and our feelings.  We seem to be more resistant to certain activities, people, places, things... even those that have not been a place of discomfort before.   When we fight our feelings, we gain nothing. In fact, we dam up those feelings and we will suffer more and more discomfort.  It multiplies and more emotions get involved. Emotional intelligence is needed because we CAN talk ourselves out of the discomfort as it comes. 

  

I used to love balancing along those logs they use to divide off road from grass.  I could walk a long ways on them.  Then balance started to go and I no longer walk edges of anything.  I did a 360 on the larger rocks that made up the steps of my rock garden, in Maine, and I leapt from huge rock to rock to try to get back down on the grass.  By the time I gained my footing, I was running at warp speed until I hit the side of the house.  I no longer feel safe trying to balance on anything.  Then, last year, I dove into a river bend's deep pool to try to loosen my daughter's fish hook that got stuck:  Just jumped, clothes and all, without thought.  I near to died trying to fight the undertow strength of the river to get back to shore.  I will no longer feel comfortable in diving into anything.  I would never have been a good high wire artist ever, as I wobble thinking about being two inches off the ground. Reality bites.  I know why I would experience discomfort at dong such any more.  I am no bird on the wire. But, I cannot let it diminish my confidence in stepping into high wire acts of courage.   I will either succeed or learn from it.

Another example of how I have to gather up courage and then just do it, was clear to me, at the music fest at the quay, a few weeks ago.  I love to dance.  I have always loved to dance.  We finally got a seat closer to the stage.  People of all ages were dancing, some together, some alone.  Suddenly, I had an urge to dance.  Well, 'suddenly' took me over an hour to gather up courage.  Where did that discomfort come from.  Oh, I know.  I do not like my body.  Pure and simple:  I am overweight and I feel like a bowl of jelly, which would be magnified by movement; Bottom line.  But, the band took a break and we might lose our seats if we got up.  I had an excuse if I had needed it.  But, afterwards, I was so proud of myself.  It gives me hope that I will not let discomfort stop me.  And, that is key.  If we can have success in conquering discomfort in one area, instance, we will be willing to try other things that might come up as discomfort.  

Conquering discomfort is, in part, acknowledging that there is a feeling of discomfort.  We are not meant to have everything be easy.  We are meant to not stagnate.  Where is the adventure, the excitement, the empowerment in living 'safe' all the time?  Of course, there is wisdom involved in knowing that some things that truly are dangerous.  But, if it is not a life or death situation, do not let discomfort stall you.  Resisting only adds more discomfort in more situations.  Being compassionate with yourself can help, as well.  Discomfort only lasts as long as you allow it to be there.  Take note that being discomforted is not a bad thing:  Neither is it not a bad thing.  It is.  It simply is and we can override it.  

So, stand in the middle of those things are discomfort you.  Acknowledge them.  If it is a moth that causes you discomfort, please use rational mindedness. Can a moth kill you?  No, but your jumping out of a window because there is one there surely can.   Be willing, over the things that cannot kill you, to feel your heart race and your body pour sweat, so that you do not miss a thing in life that might give you satisfaction and joy.  Be those birds on a wire.  If one felt discomfort, that line would wobble until you are off.  Go with the flow.  Pick your discomforts.

Can you journal Discomfort?  Can you put your truths on to that journal page?  Do give it a go.  Please consider sharing in the Facebook Group.  Deny no one your ability to express yourself so that they might dare to do it as well.  Grip the wire of the discomfort! xo

©Carol Desjarlais 9.4.19