When Smiling and Nodding No Longer Suits

 

 

Being a ‘nice’ person, a ‘good’ person, a ‘serving’ person, ‘for the good of others’ (or what we think is our role) does not mean we have to do so at the expense of our physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual health.  At some point, we have to take a stand for ourselves and/or others.  We need to put on our ‘Be Brave” panties, and set some boundaries.  No more Ms. Nice Woman because others are allowing manipulation and continue to enable. 

Sometimes, the choice between being ‘nice’ and standing up for what you believe, or to stand up for someone less able, or to protect yourself, we need to act like an authentic adult, and be accountable to yourself, never mind others, or Creator.  It can be definitely uncomfortable and, perhaps, totally against your typical character, but someone needs to ‘adult up’ and set some strong boundaries.  This will feel foreign, at first, but then, empowering as you see and feel the results.  It does not take long, but it demands you stay steadfast to what you believe to be the right thing for the betterment of all.  While doing so, you may not win any favors or friendships, and people will be able to see your darker side (which we all have but keep curbed). 

Your Ego (“Evil Inner Witch”, as I call it) will try to convince you you must soothe and smoothen things over and allow yourself to be manipulated again.  I promise you, although it feels uncomfortable to be the one setting boundaries, it will not cost you as much as smiling and tolerating behavior from others who are bullying, or using passive aggressive manipulation to feed their own Ego.  It is a fine line, though, because you may be triggered and cross the line into bullying and manipulation yourself.  Stay true to your beliefs and let a few days find you at the battlefront, a regular Joan of Arc of sorts.  This change in you will trigger change in the other(s) and , without you crossing that line, they will be wary of continuing their own dark-sided behavior.  They may resort to changing tactics and turn on someone else to get what they want.  Stay true to yourself and the reasons you are setting those boundaries.  It takes time and patience on your own behalf.

Is there someone passively aggressively or blatantly manipulating you or those you love?  Have you “played nice” out of your own sense of vulnerabilities?  Is it time to set some rules, regulations and/or boundaries?

©Carol Desjarlais 9/4/23