Who gets to define weaknesses? Do we define them ourselves? Do we let others define them for us? Does that belief in us come from long past critical voices that no longer should have power over us? I cannot fill out forms without going directly into anxiety and/or panic attack. I have no idea why. I filled out forms, in my career, by the thousands. Today, I break out in a serious sweat just knowing I have a form to fill out. It’s crazy. I know. But, I simply cannot. I know this is a weak area in my life but I am good at finding someone who can help me. I am, as I age, getting better at Se;f-Discipline.
We all have vulnerabilities, whether we admit them or not. I am one who is authentic enough to, if I am aware of my flaws, I acknowledge them and do not ever try to pretend to be perfect at anything, because I am not.
I find myself being more emotionally fragile as I am aging. I am having to use more self-control and self-discipline to keep my emotions in check. I do not like feeling vulnerable, but aging demands more of a fragility and vulnerability, just naturally. I am having to cull relationships that were toxic and not healthy for me. I have had to practice being more frugal, more conscious of where, what, how, my money goes. I am striving to learn something new every day. I am improving what I have to work with and deleting what no longer serves me. I am working on staying more focused on tasks rather than being ever the multi-tasker. I am more conscious of my decision-making, alternatives and consequences. I break ‘jobs’ into small steps so that I see progress in several areas rather than slugging it out to get all the way through just one task.
Self-Discipline is a learned behavior. I am learning to consciously create habits…better habits. I am starting with simple things, like spending a certain time in the mornings, for one-half hour… Organizing, so that I am simplifying my life. I started by setting a goal. My first one was to clear off the dining room table of instructional materials, for the art classes I do and have been doing for a year. I have baskets under the table, beside the table, as if trying to hide it all. I am at the point now, since the end of August, with empty baskets and boxes and shelves and drawers where I can put my next organizational materials. I have such little willpower, but it feels good to see things starting to find a more permanent place rather than under the table. But this one-half hour every morning is resulting in success I can see. I find that the idea of self-discipline disappears as a negative and becomes a positive habit that rewards me.
Some days, it could be said that I fail. And I do have my ups and downs. I do take a day off and simply do nothing. That seems to reenergize me. So, it is not a weakness to not follow through and to take a day off. That is actually a strength because it is against my nature to do nothing.
Strengths and weaknesses are very personal. We stumble. We feel guilty, we feel angry, we feel frustrated with ourselves. And the people around us may not even know what is going on with us and will apply the WHY to something totally different than it was/is. Since it is personal, we need to deal with our weaknesses on our own. There is always a way around a weakness to make it a strength. Self-Discipline be danged. We know what makes us feel satisfied with ourselves and focusing on weaknesses, as one ages, is wrapped with things we used to be able to do and can no longer. We can stir up the mire or we can pull ourselves up and find something we can do where we apply our strengths. We have no idea what is going on in each others world, never mind in others deep down personal set of wishes, dreams, beliefs, etc. We women are intuitive. We are creators. We can create strengths of what we know to be our weaknesses. Sometimes it takes avoidance of a task or an activity we know we cannot do. Rather than break a hip or a heart, we find plan B,C,D.
We are strong, baby! We can do whatever we know we can physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually do. Go for it! Acknowledge what you cannot do any more and find a new way of doing the same thing. Yes yes. We can do it.
©Carol Desjarlais 9.14.23
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