Acceptance

 

 

 

“to love life, to love it even
when you have no stomach for it
and everything you've held dear
crumbles like burnt paper in your hands,
your throat filled with the silt of it.
When grief sits with you, its tropical heat
thickening the air, heavy as water
more fit for gills than lungs;
when grief weights you like your own flesh
only more of it, an obesity of grief,
you think, How can a body withstand this?
Then you hold life like a face
between your palms, a plain face,
no charming smile, no violet eyes,
and you say, yes, I will take you
I will love you, again.”
― Ellen Bass

Our reaction to difficulties in life, is what counts most.  We can think we might act one way or the other, but, when one is suddenly forced to action   “…action speaks louder than words”. The sudden reaction, when called for, will define our truths, our authentic values and beliefs.  I am great in sudden crises.  Physically, I react right away.  It is the ‘afterwards’ that shows me my truths.  It is then I shake and act emotionally.  When sudden decisions do not need to be made, it is then Ego (the thinking) can get in my way.  It is that that I am most accountable for.  When things are out of our control, at some point, we need to accept, to surrender, and to get on with getting on.

Immediately after a reaction, we may, then, feel sad, frustrated, angry, vulnerable, and all emotions that are necessary, betimes.  The important thing about these feelings is that we need to learn to let them go.  The less critical situations, are when we can get all wrapped up in the emotions and can cling to those emotions, such as feeling criticized, victimized, and we have moved into defense. 

Emotions of the past need to be allowed to be what they were and we work through it all and refuse to move into depression, etc. emotions that belong in the past.  Future can bring on anxiety.  Some of us, and, believe me, I am one, need to work on staying Present rather than fussing over past things that have happened, or worry about what is going to happen in the future.  Covid definitely made me more Present.  I find, if I allow feelings of the past or for future to muddy my Present, I stay miserable longer.  Learning to say to ourselves, “It Is What It Is!” can help ground us in the Present Moment. 

No matter what happens in life, and life can surely suck sometimes, we are or will be called on to act.  We can change or we can resist.  A great deal of life calls us act, to change, to do something.  There are things we simply can not control.  The inly thing we can control is ourselves, as I said yesterday in the post.  We can make a thousand thousand plans and set a thousand thousand goals, but we have to understand that life can, and most likely will, get in the way.  WE have all hit that place where there is nothing we CAN do.  We have choices; let it be what it is or stay stuck in a negative reaction.    I am sure you have noticed, as I have, that, if we stay stuck in a past emotion, we miss the opportunity to prepare for whatever might come in the future. 

Acceptance can sometimes be really difficult without heavy emotion attached to it, like surrender.  The main thing we want to remember is that we must acknowledge the emotions and feel them so that they are less likely to trigger you in the future, because some feelings will be triggering.  It is not as if it is all going to be gone.  No!  Life hands us more to deal with again and again, and seems to be a constant, sometimes.  Simply getting through is tough, betimes.  But, believe me when I say that we have to let some things go, through acceptance of things being as they are, in order to make room for the good stuff. 

©Carol Desjarlais 4.29.22