what is stronger
then the human heart
which shatters over and over
and still lives
-"the sun and her flowers" - Rupi Kaur
Heartache makes you or breaks you. You get to decide. Well, kind of. Maybe something deep within decides because
my worst heartbreak was losing Man Hands.
I broke. Yes, I now, I have
written that before, but it was a profound event in my life. I will never be the same. Some wiring changed in my brain, I
think. Some synapses are not
snapping. I was crazy and insecure,
vulnerable and felt violated by God. Emotional
pain takes its toll on body, mind, heart and soul. I researched what grief/heartache does to the
brain. Here are some things I know, now:
Stress and acute emotions of grief, etc. make the
brain move into hyper mode. As the brain
feels the acute emotional sense, it collaborates with the physical body and the
brain, then, release more adrenalin and cortisol and this is why it feels
difficult to breathe, and can have you feel nauseated.
The brain, body, mind and soul are all at war with
the acute grief, etc. You cannot think
straight. You cannot make decisions,
because everything is haywire wired up there in your brain. You cannot make choices and decisions. You go a little bit, in my case, a whole
lot, of craziness. The closest we can
come to this feelings is when recovering addicts are fresh off a drug or
alcohol and they go through withdrawals.
The longer the relationship, the deeper the relationship, the more
dopamine is released. Then, to have that
abruptly change, is crucifying., Believe
me, I know that wounding well.
When you are in the middle of all the hurt emotions,
you begin making safe paths in case it happens again. For a while, you will be ultra
sensitive. This is when the waves of
grief return. Perhaps the blessing of
old age is that life makes us more resilient due to these paths that have been
forged before. Our perception changes from
total breakdown to at least a little hope for we have been 'here' before. Our subconscious remembers the paths we took
to conquer our emotional wounds. If we
have worked through them, without crutches of any kind, there is more hope for
our future woundings. I guess we are
being prepared.
Grief is an unconscious thing happening in the
brain. We may notice the effects, we
might not realize how learning the lesson of the grief can help us when we need
to go through it again. Ride through it. Gain the perspectives with each new grief so
that when a bigger one comes along, or a similar one, we do not cloud one grief
with another one from the past.
This is not THAT one, this is a new one. Perspectives can keep us in the Present and
feel Present emotions not old one. Tough
but so.
©Carol Desjarlais 7.24.19
No comments:
Post a Comment