“Don’t
let go too soon, but don’t hang on too long.” The fact is that we either let go
and refuse to hold on, or we hold on and become incapable of letting go. And
frequently, making the right decision at times of challenge confuses us—should
we hold on to our job or look for a new one? Should we hang on to our
relationship or let go of our partner? Should we move on from something/someone
or give it another chance? I’ve come to
notice that the bulk of our life decisions revolve around these two questions:
Do we hold on? Or, do we let go?
Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom.
Suddenly,
when we have an important decision to make, there are those of us who make the decision
and then put our head down, our feet to the ground, and simply get it
done. Some over think and the more
emotion we allow to attach to the decision, the more confused we can
become. Some turn to make others make
the decision for them and they abdicate responsibility for how that decision
works out. As with all things, we are
responsible to make our own decisions.
That does not mean we cannot go to a trusted person to give us some pros
and cons, but, ultimately, we are going to live with our decisions, so we must
choose wisely. The longer we muddle and
fuddle over a decision, the less clear it becomes. Making a snap decision does not work so well
either. Somewhere in between is the way
to make a decision. Decision-making is a
fork in your path. No matter how
complicated or confusing, in the end, your path depends upon your choice.
I know, when patterns show up in my life, when common challenges show up, I have not fixed something/let go of something/not learned the lesson and moved on. At some point, the past is full of emptiness because it is not your present. You have to let go of past crap because it messes up with your present.
Sometimes we are vulnerable - we all are, betimes. We trust others not to hurt us, and when we are betrayed, it hurts like heck. Those old hurts; oh, we can name them, and sometimes to cling to that for dear life. But, it helps make life not dear any more. I was often told that I should not "feel". How ludicrous that was, but I tried. The only thing I could extinguish was tears. I forgot how to cry. I had a feeling that crying was somehow BAD; that 'feelings' were bad. It took years to extinguish that voice that spoke but for a heated moment. Pain never stops if we do not let it go.
To be honest, we are always being undervalued in our own eyes. We give and give until we know we are giving for naught. We can excuse other's meaningless value of us forever, or, we can realize that it is only their perspective and they may come from a place of hurt and they simply wanted to hurt us. let that shit go, too! Other's people expectations are not what we should be expecting of ourselves. Pleasing others will never have us feel pleasing. Honor yourself. Let that go, too!
The past is truly the past. None of us can change that. If you are crippling your present because you have regrets... Well, regret that you regret and then let that go too. Do not olive a delusional life. All things do not go smoothly. Never have. Never will! Just get through the rough spots of the Present and totally give up on trying to make amends when amends means being stuck back there where you no longer belong.
We are who we are...but, that does not mean we do not need to evolve, to grow, to learn, to change those things that end up dragging you down again and again. So not believe that you may not need to change some things. That is progressive maturity. Do the things you know you need to do. No one should have, would have, could have you do otherwise int he past, but now, you need personal integrity. You need to be honest with self. Stop justifying. Simply do what needs to be done to have you mature further into your future... not spend your time wallowing in same old, same old!
Hanging on to things of the past ensure you will never truly be happy with your Present. You will never feel comfortable in your own skin. You will have really deep lows of feeling frustrated, broken, and depressed. You will lack more and more motivation as you wallow. You will continually be suppressing authentic feelings because it feels awful to admit you have been static and stuck too long. You know you are better than that. Let go and be that that makes you happy, feel adventurous, feel happy, feel truly opinionated. Yes, we have opinions and it should not be scary to express them. If you hang on to old conditioning, you will fear even expressing needs and wants. Let go of the fear of having your say.
Do not be so shallow that you let what others say or do sway you from your truths. NJot everything is about authentic words. Even our posture can give us away. Even our looks. I know the moment I put on makeup that I am out to make a statement. Why does make-up feel like it empowers us? Are we a Trojan horse woman? It actually is a signal that what is inside needs to be covered up. Although we feel brave, unapproachable, out to conquer the world, it is like a saying I have when I hear a too loud vehicle...Big Noise little....well, you get the picture. Makeup, overdone, is a mask. I have used it as so. Most of us have used disguises of some kind. Watch your masks. Let go of the reasons that you might be people pleasing, that we might be feigning something we are not... something that speaks other than what we meant to others.
Are we continually giving up more than we get ahead? (Physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually). Do you have a sense that you suffer more pain than those who give you pain? Do you often get frustrated because people from your past can still get your goat? Are you angst ridden? If you seek deep into the folds of your identity, you will find that the key triggers belong in the past. As long as we keep past problems alive, it has power over us. Let that go. It is not easy and must be let go trigger by trigger. You can do it, I have faith in you.
Let go, sisters, of the burdens you have packing around more than half you life...in my case.. most of my life. You will elarn that you, as well as everyone else, has broken promises, has hurt someone, has been fooled, and you may have come to the conclusion that not everyone was put on this earth to bother, hurt, drive, deny, destroy you. If your path is toxic, and most is because we have chosen to see that side of it, and it needs to be diminished. You deserve to rise above. We are Rise Up Women. Let go and let yourself live in the Present. For some, a brand new place to see. For some, brand new glasses so we can notice the good that is offered there. Your past is only worthy of its place. It is not worthy in your worthy life today or tomorrow. Kick that habit. Make the decision that the Past no longer has any power over your today.
©Carol Desjarlais 7.18.19
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