Waiting for the hammer to drop, or the other shoe, or other boot

" The way I see it, our natural human instinct is to fight or flee that which we perceive to be dangerous. Although this mechanism evolved to protect us, it serves as the single greatest limiting process to our growth. To put this process in perspective and not let it rule my life, I
expect the unexpected;
make the unfamiliar familiar;
make the unknown known;
make the uncomfortable comfortable;
believe the unbelievable.”
― Charles F. Glassman, Brain Drain The Breakthrough That Will Change Your Life

Sometimes, when life hands you a little more than you thought you could bear, and you begin to have a sense of lack of control over what happens to you, what Life happens to you, sometimes we tend to gain a perspective of waiting for another crisis, another loss, another thing to deal with.  I think aging does this is many ways, as well. Sometimes there has to come ACCEPTANCE that our body can turn against us.  Sometimes things get physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually difficult.  Accepting this can defeat us if we do not find new ways of doing things, of thinking of things, of emotionally dealing/coping with things, and have to dig deep for things that satisfy our soul.

We have learned that rules change in every arena of life.  We have learned new things to fear.  We learn that freedom also takes on new definitions.  Perhaps we become more real.  We have to work hard not to feel totally helpless against the foe of aging.  We can, easily, become more anxious and this anxiety can deter our ability to bounce back from things, our ability to forge ahead in spite of, and our ability to defend ourselves against the stress of it all. 

Many of, women, are experiencing huge changes in finances, in losses, in health, in worry about independence.  We have a sense of it all slipping away from us.  We have to learn new kinds of coping skills that we never realized may come to us, nor that we would have to find new ways to accept. 

Many of us find ourselves living just barely above the poverty line.  Our balance goes.  Our eyes need more intervention in order to see well.  Our hearing goes.  Our healthcare needs even change.  We find ourselves more isolated for myriads of reasons, and not much about choice.  We worry about being able to live on our own, and this is often foisted on us as we lose our partners and the likelihood of a few last fluttering moves towards more and more dependence comes at us.  We have to learn to take advantage of small mercies because there are always others worse off than we are. 

If we had known better, known more, we would have made sure we could deal with changes better as youth and adults.  Surely, we have found ways to deal with one shoe drop after another.  Some have turned to religion, some to medication, some to drugs and alcohol, and, yes, some have found healthier ways.  But, every day is some kind of struggle.  We are bombarded with things to deal with.  We have to work hard not to be cranky old people.  We have to work hard not to simply sit in a puddle of our muddle.  We have to work very hard to not simply give up.  We are very aware there are many hammers and shoes and boots to drop.  We wait for the next thing, betimes.

©Carol Desjarlais 11.14.18