On Being A Habitually Anxious Family Member
I am a habitually anxious person, although I may seem calm and having my proverbial “chite” together. I did not have a solid psyche affirmation of where I fit in in any of my families. It felt like imminent abandonment or rejection if I were to stand up for myself. I did not know how to walk away. I did not know how to be myself (not enough). I felt insecure in every one. I stuffed my emotions all my life. It has become clearer, as I age, and the new relationship with birth families settles in and I have become aware that, although I was number 5 in my maternal birth family, that I felt that I was the youngest. I have not ever taken that place in line and it keeps me vulnerable. I am continually anxious in my own life place in that I have been afraid of my own children and so remain too subservient, rather than the adult, the mother figure. I am learning to take a personal stand as my position in each family should be lived. I am working on not letting who I am, where I am in the family, what role I am supposed to be, acceptance of who I am, today and every day, to blossom as I become totally myself with no conditions of “what ifs”. If you become aware of being habitually anxious, around your families, maybe this will help you too.
The first thing to do is be conscious enough to realize that you are anxious. Check what makes you anxious.
-do you try to soften or numb your anxieties – how?
-are you a worrier?
-what kinds of things do you worry about?
-what makes you feel uncomfortable?
-who in family do you worry about?
You are in charge of your feelings. Your feelings are not in charge of you!
Your family probably does not realize they make you anxious!
Anxiety, sustained, can lead to you having panic attacks because you may not know how to control anxiety!
Did you know that anxiety can lead to hypochondria? You see. According to the medicine wheel, physical is directly across from emotional. The body reacts to anxiety first and getting to know your body; heart, skin, breathing, eyes, hands, etc. you can listen to the earlier signs of anxiety.
Try some of these suggestions:
I have just spent two weeks working, right in the midst of it all, on these things to try to control my anxiety. It worked. I let negative things slide over me and soaked up the positives. Way more positives.
I went to the exact spots of some of my early traumas. I felt the anxiety of “places” slide off me as well. I monitored the sense of threats. I remained present, not allowing myself to be drawn to past things. I kept repeating: “No one, nothing, can make you feel anything you do not want to feel! “
To be continued tomorrow
©Carol Desjarlais 18.13.24
https://kamamak.ca/kikiwin-%E1%91%AE%E1%91%AE%E1%90%83%E1%90%A7%E1%90%A3
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