It is not uncommon to have emotions breach an emotional dam and to really struggle to keep one’s proverbial “chite” together. It may be that you may burst out in tears, in anger, in being overly sensitive, to feel overwhelmed. It is common! It is common! It does not mean anything major is wrong with you, it may mean that you are emotionally exhausted. I hit that wall a few weeks ago. Life can be so unpredictable and it is a given you will, at some point(s) breach that emotional dam and fall into negativity of being drained feeling stuck, and/or fall into a plethora of negative ways to cope/anesthetize oneself. It is not a sudden happening, although your reaction might be, and life’s hard things build up and you can suddenly find yourself uncommonly reacting to the stress and frustration. I hit that place about a month ago.
Frustrations and stress can seem to cluster. You begin feeling anxious even when there is nothing to feel anxious about, so you think. You may sink into a type of apathy where you are bored, restless, forgetful, irritable, and have negative thinking that you are constantly battling. One may feel like they are stuck. You are tired and don’t sleep well. You may notice your muscles are sore from unconscious/conscious tensing up. You may skip out on important appointments, may find yourself isolating more, and you just cannot seem to focus on a task to its completion. Yes, I hit that dam and poured down reactions to being exhausted.
I was not sleeping but a few hours at a time. I recognize I was short-tempered. I was beginning to feel like some kind of martyr…ok, not a heavy duty one, just sometimes I felt “put upon”. I was sensing life changing as a caregiver. I was having inner emotional meltdowns and, to put it plainly, people bothered me, people did little things I felt slightly intolerable, and I was becoming nit-picky. I needed a break, some respite, and I was not responding to it all in a good way. My brain was not thinking logically or reasonably at times. I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to talk myself out of it. I was not addressing the real problem – I was slowly falling into negative thinking and was not coping with even little stressors well. I was emotionally exhausted. I needed a break in order not to let emotions burst out over my coping skills and end up with me tumbling down into personal chaos.
Our brain can feel threatened…our very survival… I had to regroup. I made appointments back home and headed out. I was in pain from my knee that exasperated things. I needed a new perspective. I was feeling lonely, exhausted and uncared for, even though I have everyone and everything I need. I really needed to be home with my adult children and grandchildren and life handed me the perfect opportunity.
I spent two weeks with my children and grandchildren. I saw the doctors and got my physical body taken care of. I fell into just enjoying where I was, who I was with, and it felt like a mountain of weight was lifted off me. I got great sleep. I was able to have some personal downtime when the kids all did activities I did not have to be involved in. I felt them care for me, love me, and they were so wonderfully kind. I refuel my tank. I was able to live in the present moment the whole time. All the things that had built up, the triggers, the sense of being weighted down, lifted. I felt peace. And in that peace, I recognized that I have to stay engaged in the present moment and deal with issues when they came up. I had to be brave enough communicate to and about stressors. I came to some personal conclusions and made some decisions that will help me not feel so stressed.
Funny how we do not take care of ourselves when we would jump to help others. I sense a break between body, mind, emotion and my spirit was heavy. Mind you, I had had a lot of body issues that bombarded my physical wellbeing. I am taking care of that too. I am making sure I take my medications, including insulin, when I should. I am working on eating more healthily. My “I-don’t-care” attitude towards myself dissipated. I am back doing art journaling, faithfully, and that helps me destress. I added more scheduling into my life/more structure. I refuse to let that happen to me again. It was not a happy, serene place to be.
If you find you are starting to recognize some ways you might be expressing emotional fatigue, try doing what I did: find a peaceful, loving, people and place to be; add some structure; check in with yourself and see what is truly causing the build up; take time for yourself; do things that make you move into a peaceful place. Maybe you have some more ideas how to destress, how to move yourself out of emotional exhaustion. Share those with us in the group.
©Carol Desjarlais 8.22.24
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