The most beautiful thing in the world is a
heart that is changing.”
― The Seven Paths: Changing One's Way
of Walking in the World
I have noticed a change this summer...something deep inside is changing. Perhaps it is aging that causes me to be more reflective in more calm, gentle, seeking ways. I am aware of deepening relationships that matter. I am aware of tying up loose ends in a harmonic way. I am, also, aware, of people from my past coming and tying up loose ends (all positive, no negativity). “Is it aging?” I have wondered? I have wondered and come to some conclusions.
An abiding wish, dream, prayer, desire in us wants to be able to feel satisfied with our lives; wants to feel healthy, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually; still desire to know our purpose, more so as we age and more so in the spiritual realms. As I age, I can see how spirituality (note: not religion but that energy of soul) and emotional realms are so attached. But, of course, on the Medicine Wheel, Emotional and Spiritual realms are attached firmly. I think, how we cope with life, in general, never mind drama in life, right now, is how we begin earnestly working on spirituality. I have worked on it for some time, but I am more earnest now, without trying, really. It is just happening.
Life flows more easily now, I am finding. I redirect my attention when I begin to ruminate on the past difficulties or chaos that life hands one through the early adult years. I stopped fixating on my myriads of failures and made sure I was staying more present. Spirituality was a huge boon to me as I aged through those pre-senior years. Now that I am a senior, there is less drama and thank goodness because it really whams one to meet it on our road in these latter years.
In 1982, I lost any fear of death…well, my own death. I had a life after death experience and I know what is coming at the beginning of death and it soothes me. Perhaps it is part of the developmental process of maturation. Perhaps it is a change in perception after living a full life. Perhaps it is that one is finally on the right path and the right journey. All I know is life is a lot more peaceful and a lot fuller in many spiritual ways. I seem to have a list of internal goals now, rather than external goals. It is a good thing to have a firm grasp of one’s own spirituality (not religion) so that it is your base-line for when and if things do get difficult.
As we age, we experience more and more losses. Perhaps that is why one would tune more into the spiritual. It did for me. I was always spiritual but had many decades ago given up on organized religion. I kept what fit my soul and discarded that that did not. Today, I know I am in charge of my spirituality. There is no go between. It is personal and I fail or flail or fly according to my own choices based on my own sense of spirituality.
Perhaps aging is a pilgrimage to one’s inner belief system and use that to follow and as a guide to the rest of one’s life. I find my contemplations are more spiritual. Yes, as in all things, what one is working on to change, or deepen, will bring tests. I have had some big ones this year. I refuse to defend myself as I am living with the notion that it being between Creator and I and no one else. It has been freeing. Aging is freeing in spiritual ways, as well.
Do you have a sense of taking a Pilgrimage of sorts?
©Carol Desjarlais 9.16.20
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