Preparing to Release

 

 

 

Release is imperative, truly, to your well-being.  You become your own problem if you do not.  They say anger shortens your life and you never have a real quality of life because you are holding on to the Past rather than living in the Present.  You replay and replay old grudges over and over again and this causes you to spend a great deal of time wanting The Other Person to feel as much pain as you are causing yourself.  Of course, they do not.  You become the worst version of yourself and you become guarded and hard, refusing to ever be vulnerable to life that holds so much one can be grateful for.  You live the life of victimization, if you do not learn how to release the feelings that keep your anxiety and anger and in pain.

Releasing grudges allows you to stop being the victim and stat being your own hero as you unlock the chains that bind you to an old/older victimizations (even perceived victimisation (because holding on to one grudge means you will always hold more than one because your Ego feeds off the pain in some sick way.).

In fact, little incidents where others may not have even meant to insult, to betray you, can become blown up by your Ego.  Miscommunication is huge, especially in a world where online relationships of every kind happen.  One on one contact allows for body and facial language to happen.  Without the one on one, words can take on any meaning that your Ego decides they have.  If you are one who takes umbrage easily, then you will always find it.  I learned, a long time ago, there is always a WHY to everything, that may have nothing to do with us.  Releasing allows for us to give others the benefit of doubt and take the time to understand others more deeply.

There is a good possibility that miscommunication will appear in your relationships, if you are a grudge-keeper.  The struggle is real, do not get me wrong, and it takes a great deal of work to turn that state of mind around so that you can release it all.  One needs to step back, release the motions your Ego has attached to an incident, in reflection of the how, what, whys of incidents in order to really get an unemotional look at that incident.  Sometimes, one on one communication needs to happen between you and who your Ego feels has insulted, wounded, degraded…. (fill in the blanks) … you.  We all have flaws.  We all say things in ways we have not meant.  We are all guilty of such.  Releasing means that you understand this concept and are willing to heal. 

We can say, and sometimes show, that we are kind and compassionate, and loving, but if we continue to find ourselves in chaotic relationship problems, then, perhaps it is time to look deeply at self and figure out what our common weaknesses in relationships are.  For some reason, some of us do not mature beyond ‘Junior High’ mentality in relationships.  We do not set our boundaries well and so others tend to become aware of how to goad us into Middle School reactions.  Again, in order to stop having this happen, we have to examine and release those immature ways of relating to others. 

Releasing means we can walk away from these negative relationships and gain the relief that release can offer.  I always told my kids, from their early childhood, that you do not SAY you are story, you SHOW you are sorry.  Sometimes we see others at their worst moments, just as we show others OUR OWN worst, betimes.  If that person who offends you is constantly doing so, then the relationship is truly negative, on both sides, and we need to walk away with a clear understanding of our own part in it all.  We need all the energy we can muster to develop positive relationships with others.  Some people are simply ‘downers’, or, as one girlfriend used to say, “slimers and bloodsuckers.  Then, I got into a group called “Rotten Choice” which was a group for women who had been victims of marital abuse and violence.  For two sessions we spent a great of time saying what rotten choices our abusive partners had been.  The third hit with a bang – WE were rotten choices too.  We learned about how enmeshed we, the victims had become, how we instigated to get an abusive incident over with, how we had to learn not to react and act like a victim any more.  It was very impacting.  So many of us were defining ourselves according to our level of abuse.  Our story was still fresh and we kept it fresh as we went through our divorces.  A year later, we were still defining ourselves according to our incidents of past abuse.  We had to learn to release and become a hero of our own story instead of us being victims.  Some of us learned to move on, yes, limping a little, and, yes, still, perhaps, making poor choices in ongoing partners.  Some hardened, refusing to move on.  It took hard inner work to get past it all in a healthy way.  Some of us learned we made mistakes with boundaries and learned to make healthy boundaries.  Some of us learned how to finally have healthy relationships and knew how to be grateful for those in our lives who were healthy, and healthy for us. 

Tomorrow I will blog about the releasing fire with the stickman. 

May you release those things that hold you back.

©Carol Desjarlais 8.22.20