Grudges keep us from growing and keeps us victims. We give away our power as long as we hold a hard heart against someone. The more we hold grudges against, the harder the heart becomes. Those who hold one, always hold more. We have to learn to not let our victimizers continue to victimize us by keeping the grudge(s) alive long after everyone else has forgotten about it all, including the one we hold the grudge(s) against. We choose to stay victim. If we obsess about our past and drag it all along after us like a security blanket, of some sick dimension, and we stay in the grip of past things that should no longer have power over us. It keeps us…. we keep ourselves, from having a happy, content and calm and openly loving life.
Once we learn to just let the hardness of our heart soften, we learn the lessons of healing ourselves. Getting to a place where “it doesn’t matter” and not let it haunt us and our dreams and hopes and wishes and cares, we release that hard shell that was once an open heart. With hardness, there is no ability to love or be loved because we let the thing we have held on to, defined ourselves by, and a softness, an openness and a healing takes place so we can love and therefore accept love.
Yes, there was once a reason for the hardness. Yes, the core feelings were sorrow, pain and, of course, anger in all its disguises. We let that crap go because we, ourselves, need the release in order to live a balanced life. It is not for the one we hold a grudge against. It takes strength, courage, and a desire to be a healthier person.
I remember a girlfriend’s mother, comforting me when others were telling untruthful story about me, a quote that sits high in my esteem|: You know what you did or did not do, God knows what you have done or not done, and to hell with everyone else.” Such sage advice.
Even if we hardened our heart, and still hold a grudge about something we did and have projected blame on someone/something else, we need to release that stuff. If we cannot forgive ourselves, we have no ability to forgive others. If you accept that you could/have done better, you will heal much more quickly, and you will be able to allow others redemption, (even if you do not truly wish for that for them) they will eventually learn a lesson, or not, and it is not your problem. Holding a grudge keeps you in the situation.
I will be writing more about Grudges because it is
something we know but sometimes refuse to let go. A healthier, happier, you is what is the main
goal... to hell with everyone else. Soften your heart and life will be softer to you.
©Carol Desjarlais 8.21.20
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