Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. Aging is inevitable, we can fight it or accept it. Accepting it all is key to a graceful aging. We change. All things change. We change inner and outer ways. We change physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
We notice our physical aging first. At around 30, we start to see things start to change. At around 28 years of age we come to the end of the time where we have spent almost a decade of what we will refer to as the best time of our lives, typically. We have had energy. Our body, typically, will do whatever we exerted our self to do. Now, we need to accept our physical changes and find alternatives when we simply cannot get our body to do. Surrendering to this is difficult, for most. Finding the alternatives allows for a sense of body capabilities that we can still do it but in other ways. There will be nonnegotiable things. We begin to lose flexibility, balance, strength and begin looking for diet supplements and other pseudo-placebos to try to make our body feel better. The key is “better”. And, if you are like me, we over-exert ourselves because we ARE going to be able to do an activity, and we might forget we can’t and the affect is devastating, for the most part. I remember the first time I realized my balance was off. It was in the early 2000s. It ws late spring. I was going to clean up and enhance my rock garden at the edge of the forest and about 20 feet from the house. It was a lovly rock garden. I made a rock medicine wheel. I would climb up the rocky outcropping and clean and place appropriate stones. That year, I start bouncing up and jumping from one huge rock to another and felt my blanch off and went careening down the rocky top, jumping, willy nilly from one lower rock to the next and by the time I hit the grassy yard, I was running full-steam until I crashed into the side of the house. It would have been a great video. I laid on the grass and laughed and wondered at my new speed and how I did not break any bones by missing any rocks. Today, I cannot put my leg in my pants when I get dressed in the mornings, without pirouetting magnificently. Soon after that, I learned about Forest Bathing. Simply find a forest and go spend about half an hour, alone, in it, just wandering and wondering. It is said to recondition the body, the mind, the heart and soul.
Then there are the mind/brain/intellectual changes that happen as we age. Yes, we may forget a word for a moment. Yes, we might stumble through a memory and recall gets more difficult. I grew up with older parents. For the last twenty years of my mother’s life, I realized I had been in training to help her remember where she put things. She would say, “Now where did I put…?” and I knew exactly where she had, if I were there. She wondered at my remembering. I wondered at her forgetfulness. I realized I had unconscientiously been keeping track. I learned, somehow, to have her retrace her steps until she found it. Retracing my steps is something I automatically do even now as I am at her age when I was doing her remembering. Cognitive changes are inevitable. Find ways to help yourself stay present and conscious and keep your mind sharp, even with playing online games of seek and find. Reading can immediately change a mood, a feeling, or cause one, so choose inspiring, happy books…one that leaves you feeling good when you finish it. Mind over matter, ladies. Mind over matter.
Attitude is a huge part of graceful aging. Embrace the change so you can continue with your potential and vitality. Our emotional being is the same as ever. We are in control emotionally. We can still be resilient and continue to accept change. I notice a change in my motivation. Life, health, socially, all affect one’s behavioral self. We have to make sound decisions. Sometimes I simply have to force myself to make a decision. Dread of aging only makes us age more quickly. If we feel old and fail, we will not try to be fit, to sabotage our own health. To age, emotionally, we still need to continue to mature, to accept, to find new ways to make sure we do not put ourselves in stressful positions that will age us more quickly. Of course, life will offer up stress and loneliness and all the things that bring us down. We have to find new ways to cope. When I lost my soulmate, I became someone I did not know. I had to redefine myself. I was not the main part of Richard-and-Carol. I had to learn to be just Carol. I am still learning that self-acceptance that gives me back some of my emotional power of positivity. I am still living a purposeful life. I am gathering up friends of all ages because we need those different ages to stimulate us. I am still a lifelong learner. I still drive that 10 – 14-hour drive home to my daughter. I am still defining my journey. I control what I can…my emotional being. I refuse to obsess over aging. Oh, yes, I bellyache when the body and mind skip a few beats. Yes, I get down but I am danged quick to turn that around. I do not want my last feeling on earth to be a negative one.
And then there is spirit. I refuse to lose my sense of purpose. Of course, goals change. I know my purpose has changed. I rely on my past years successful coping and learning, and movements to continue to feel fulfilled. I still have some soulful direction. I seek out things, people, places, that inspire me. Do things that promote connectedness to all things, that renew you, that restore you. Do things that alleviate stress, worry, chaos. Live in the Present as much as you possibly can. Yes, you will reflect on your past and the negatives and positives, but consider the space you are in now. There will be losses, relationship changes, health challenges, but still live your own life and live it fully. Give back – be purposefully encouraging to others, detach from past negative experiences – it was what it was. Be a “it-is-what-it-is “person. Practice acceptance and patience and forgiveness. Nurture those relationships that think you are a great person... yes, flawed and frail in many ways, but those people who love you are aging too. Practice gratitude. Love yourself so you can fully love others. And, this is huge… go on adventures. No matter how big or how small... find adventure. That boosts the whole self.
Our body began on the eventual slide way back in our thirties. Somehow, we have adjusted so far because here we are. Here I am and I am here…aging...and finding ways to do it as gracefully as possible as I promote and seek peace with it all.
©Carol Desjarlais 9.4.24
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