“When they judge you, yawn.
When they misunderstand you, smile.
When they underestimate you, laugh.
When they condemn you, ignore.
When they envy you, rejoice.
When they oppose you, prevail.”
― Matshona Dhliwayo
Are we unintentionally judgemental? Being judgmental, or seeming to, causes
blocks between people, even some people you would not deign to judge. It can be with body language (eye-rolling
being the most overt). Judging can, of
course, come from tone of voice, words we use, and body language at the same
time. We do it to stranger. We may do it to the people we love most. It keeps us from getting to know people. It shuts down communication. We choose not to understand, to care, enough
to hold ourselves back from being judgemental.
We judge with anger, with disappointment, with a ‘holier than thou’
attitude. It may last but a blink of an eye, the whole time during a
conversation, for days, for a lifetime.
And, know that it is human nature to be judgemental. We compare things. It is primal.
We are seeking threat((s) and our body, mind, heart and soul are having
an inner dialogue to see if there is danger there. What we have to be careful
of is moving into a negativity that can become a bad habit. Being judgmental, also, leads to self
critical dialogue that can seriously wound our own Self. Being judgmental is also learned and
conditioned. Maybe it is time we take a
long look at our gestural language and words we choose with others.
For one day, be present enough to watch your
interactions with others. Are you
gossiping juicy gossip in your head, about people, places, things? Stay aware of thoughts. Maybe keep a notebook
close by so that you can actually jot down code words or explanations of when
you catch yourself being judgmental.
Later you can go back over your notes and find patterns.
When you catch yourself being judgmental, jot it down,
then turn the gossipy thought/critical/judgmental thought into a positive in
your head. Instead of automatically
judging what someone is wearing, change it, in your head, to how brave they
were to dress/be like that. Create new
habits of turning negative thoughts to positive ones.
We have not walked in another’s moccasins, to be
true. We absolutely do not know why
someone might do what they do, look how they look, etc. We know our own story of the day, but we do
not know what anyone else is going through at any given moment,
internally. When you catch yourself,
turn it to a positive in that acknowledging that we do not know it all, is
powerful. Get to know more about
them. Make a point of getting to know
their story. Being in tune with others
leads us away from negative thinking about them. We can defend and explain ourselves. Give others the benefit of the doubt. Give
others a break.
Once you have spent a day looking at your judgements,
do an art journal page, write and entry in your journal about what you have
discovered. The more you input a message
into your memory, the more apt you are to catch yourself next time you were
going to make judgement on someone.
Figure out the WHY of your judgements. Are you a jealous person, after all? Are you typically judgmental? I was shocked how much I was. Are you comparing yourself to others in order
to feel you are a “better” person than them?
The greater the sadness, anger, anxious and stressed person you are, the
louder one’s inner critic. The inner
critic is harder on us than others, yes, but, unconsciously, you are having
negative talk about people, places and things in your own head.
A huge issue with judgmentalism is when you project
your feelings on to others. Usually,
what we despise in others is what we despise in our self. Are we insecure, a perfectionist, a
nightmare-prone person? Have you judged
others by a topic you feel strongly about?
Are you a frustrated person, a disappointed person and you project those
feelings on to others?
I found I have huge issues with being judgemental,
but, as I type that, I realize I am judging myself. It can either wake me up to the fact that I
am a judgemental person and I need to get over myself… or… I can get worse at
being judgemental. Then I chance ruining
my own life or the life of others. That
is a huge repercussion.
Goddess, help me to understand not judge. We all have our truth-story. I cannot know yours and barely know my own.
Help us to accept others for who they are because I know we expect others to
accept us as we are. No shame. No blame.
Just understand that we do judge and we need to be as kind to others,
with understanding, and to love ourselves so that we can love and understand
others.
“Judging others is easy because it
distracts us from the responsibility of judging ourselves.”
― Charles F. Glassman
©Carol Desjarlais 9.21.24
