Mystory, page ten- Croneship

"Life isn't about the destination but about the journey."

You know, the older we get, it seems the freer we get.  We, older women, have learned and lost and survived and made awesome mistakes and succeeded, and we can truly KICK BUTT.  We have had things scare us that you would not believe.  We have gone from dirt roads to pavement.  We have gone from late night kick the can until someone's mother tells us to go home, and we have made it through the unsafe communities where we cannot even talk a late night walk.  We have lived through floods, through tornadoes, through fire, through Nor'Easters and Hurricanes, and wars.  We have found and buried more loved ones than we thought we could handle.  We have suffered nearly unbearable pains.  We have had more "Me Too!" times than we care to remember.  We got our newly budding boobs poked by boys running down the hall and lived through it.  We fought with our mothers, hated our sisters, beat up our brothers, and still loved them and they loved us.  We have been physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually abused and here we are!   We have stared death in the face and we banished it...and survived it.  We got this!  We are Crone's and we are pressed diamonds of life and some of us lie on the ground, forgotten.  But, oh, what you are missing that we have gained as gray-haired wisdom.

We were told to sit and be pretty, and we did and we didn't.  We were told to "hush up!" and we did and we didn't.  We were told to "not talk like that," and yet, we did.  We were told "What will other's think!" and we cared and we didn't. 

We have baked and bottled, gleaned and leaned into our harvests.  We have seen things that could have made us blind, but it didn't.  We have whispered and swallowed our stories and not have them affirmed.  We have told our little truths and not had them believed.  We have stuffed and sorted and forgotten more than you can hardly learn in a lifetime, but we still do and we are resurrecting memories of our whole lifetime.  Look, here is our wisdom, rolling off our hands, from our tongues, from our eyes.

We have known sunshine and shadows, light and dark, and days that were so foggy we could not see our hands.  We have dine in other countries, we have dined at stranger's tables, we have shared our dining table with anyone who came for a quick visit.  We have quilted and hoed rows, we have pushed and pulled to birth our babies (and other things) the hard way, and we have expressed and repressed things that could have turned us inside out, but didn't.

We swallowed, and spit out, gospels and gossip and goodbyes and 'good griefs'.  We have sworn like fishermen's wives and crooked our little finger over tea.  We have worn blue jeans and sweats to church and been dressed like Shirley Temple with our curls bobbling in all their glory.  We have gained hair on our bodies and lost hair on our heads.  We have lines and crooks and crannies we never knew we had.  We have been stifled and silly, we have been gorgeous and grungy, and we have slathered on makeup and polluted the air with sprays, but we are still here.   We ate friend food and fudge and toffees and homemade caramels, and boxes of mandarin oranges at Christmas times, until we puked.  We are all of these experiences.  We are Crones.

We have been skinny and fat, we have been dumpy and dowagery, and we have had the passions of youth and midlife roiling through our veins.  We are passionate about what we are passionate about.  We are explorers, adventurers, bakers, chiefs and thieves.  We have stolen away from, stolen towards, and from in so many ways that were not even criminal.  We know 'stuff'.  We ARE stuff!  We are risk-takers, we are lifesavers.  We are mentors and teachers, and learners and incapable of figuring out new technology until it sets your teeth on edge.  Life has initiated us.  We have been self-sabatoging and saved. 

We have been misguided and misled.  We have known great intimacy and great sorrow at finding we have not connected deeply enough.  We were invalid and learned to validate ourselves.  We can be brutally honest, or, brutally quiet.  We have been in dire circumstances, and still might be, but we are rich beyond compare.  We have the kind of strength that you cannot buy. 

Our souls are precious gems with many facets.  We know no one can own our spirit/soul.  We have the light of conscious and compassion.  We recognize the sacred things of life.  We have learned, or are learning, to give away and to receive.  We have been enslaved to so many things and yet we are liberated in so many other ways. 

The one blossoming, beautiful thing, is our soul.  You cannot own it, buy it, tempt it, or treat it as unworthy.  We are Crones.

©Carol Desjarlais 10.22.18

This page in MyStory is done with inks and napkin collage.  I have left lots of space in order to add in some of my own more persona story of being a Crone.