Emptying the Bottle

90 miles per hour and above: boiling, explosive, violent
85 miles per hour
: fuming, outraged
80 miles per hour: infuriated, enraged
75 miles per hour: irate, exasperated
65 miles per hour
: bitter, indignant
60 miles per hour
: pissed off
55 miles per hour
: mad, angry
50 miles per hour
: agitated, perturbed
45 miles per hour
: annoyed, irritated, frustrated
40 miles per hour
: ruffled, displeased
35 miles per hour and below: calm and cool, peaceful, tranquil

-Todd Kashdan, Robert Biswas-Diener

Just when I think I have things under control and have found ways to stop bottling up stress, a new experience comes to teach me I have to be better at it.  It seems to be a lifelong thing for me.  As a child, I learned to repress authentic feelings and experiences.  It is taking me a lifetime to stop it.  I am in a situation now where I absolutely have to open that danged lid and let it all go and stop stuffing stuff down.

As long as we 'bottle up' emotions, we can never be truly authentic and it grinds like gravel in the gullet.  Ever put a penny in a jar and spin the bottle round and round?  Cuts right through the glass jar bottom.  This is what the lack of emotional expressive authenticity has done to me.  I have heart damage and I simply must stop.   There is a hole in my bottle. In fact, my bottle is so full that it leaks out and I make a fool of myself.  I am not responding to things authentically.  My stress leaks out when even a little stressful event happens.  Somehow my Lizard Brain remembers feeling threatened and in danger and apparently it has never let that go. 

I have written about the Lizard brain before, but just a reminder... The Limbic system is the place of addictions, of emotions, of moods and other mental/emotional processes.  It is the oldest body part that we carry since the beginnings of time.  It is in charge of flight or fight responses.  If we bottle things up, I find I can be easily overwhelmed by what might seem the smallest of things, yet, to me, they are that extra drop in the bottle. 

Things that I find are that extra bit can be something like working to fix something on the computer, filling out important papers, trying to solve a problem and too much is going on at the same time.  I tend to internalize, catastrophically.  It is not even intellectualized or conscious thought.  My body simply reacts to it.  It is concentrated emotion that I experience. 

It is a societal norm that we can have been conditioned to:  Do not cry...do not get angry...do not tell...do not feel...  We were trained not to express what we felt:  What will other people think? 

I am working hard on being honest with my feelings.  It does not mean that it is okay to blurt out all opinions, judgments, etc.  It means that one must feel the real feeling and acknowledge it, internally, and react appropriately for the situation.  It is easier said than done.

It takes work to name the emotion.  Anger is the easiest emotion to project.  But anger is typically fear, insecurities, guilt, and/or sorrow.  I have to really work on this because I have smiled my way through a whole lot of all the feelings I have not shown.  I have learned, well, to say I am fine when I am not.  I have to learn the levels and what is appropriate for the situation.  It does not mean I can step over someone else's boundaries or comfort level.  If I am honest and authentically feeling the appropriate emotion behind my first reaction,  I will not use my own emotion as the most important in situations.

I have been one to always give people "three chances".  But, that was slotted into certain categories.  If I begin to feel defensive, I have to own that and step back, count to three, and consider why I am reacting so towards someone.  I have been so reactive that it is difficult to be proactive.

 

Stress is a killer.  Stress will kill me.  I, absolutely, have to figure out these 'bottled up' things I have grown accustomed to.  The closest I get to calm is when I am doing my art.  That is such a stress relief.  I can slip into the arena of Muse where there are no judgments, no place for my lizard brain to play.  I cannot imagine a day without art and that nirvana.

What do you do with your stress?  Are you aware of authentic feelings and the key triggers for your reactions?  What helps you release the stuff from your bottle?

©Carol Desjarlais 10.18.18