I was always a type A personality, with a touch of ADHD and a touch of OCD; a happy workaholic; a driven person; a need to be busy; working like a dervish and all because I could not stop. The only time I slowed down was when I was driven to my knees, exhausted, sick. I, in no way, had a balanced life. I was busy to be busy lots of times. Retiring early, I wrote a book and worked night and day editing it. When that was done, I found other things to fill my days and keep me busy. I did not know how to slow down and, of course, it led to me being knocked down in order to rest.
I have had to learn how to rest. Most days, I still work until I cannot any more so I find something else to occupy my time. But, time seems to be moving faster and I cannot keep up. It is almost pain and torture to do nothing. I know it has something to do with the idea that ‘cleanliness equals amount of godliness’ that I was taught when young and ‘idle hands’ equals, well, something bad. I had to work, to be busy, almost as if I was running from something that has to do with boredom, restlessness, negative thoughts that came to my head if I was not busy. I think I might have missed out on many good things while I was rushing around. I diligently try to be less busy now, since my body can not keep up. How does one learn how to relax, to be still, to do nothing?
By slowing down, we learn to stay Present and stop missing out on the small miracles of the day. It helps us if we consciously prioritize things you “have” to do, the things you “wish” to do, and the things you could do later. Slowing down and learning to have rest periods during the day helps us physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. Slowing down helps us not make mistakes and have to redo things. It brings joy to what we do rather than simply be in anxious mode to get things done. Those of us who cannot slow down, can easily be overwhelmed. We end up with too many things on our internal list of things to do.
How do we slow down? Seriously! How do we? How do we stop our brain from making an internal list that grows exponentially according to how fast and hard we work? Part of stopping such is to start really paying attention to what it is we ARE doing. Those of us who work like ants, tend not to have workload boundaries. We become focused on the whole lsit not just one job at a time. As I age, I find I cannot keep the list growing. I get tired, stressed, and feel truly overwhelmed if the lsit starts to grow as fast as I work on things. I can only attend to one job at a time or I make mistakes, drop things, forget things. Focus becomes an issue so doing one thing and completing it is best.
I, now, tend to focus on one thing but in the background, my head is trying to make lists. There is a lot of information on ‘being present’. And, this is true. To slow down and really pay attention to the one job you are doing and refusing to make lists is key.
I work diligently to not let my iphone take over my life. I am grateful when it needs plugging in to be charged. If I do not guard myself from allowing it, it can make me feel like I have to be doing more. Then, if I do not do more, I feel guilty. It can really gee annoying when it tries to get my attention. It can be intrusive to being Present and focusing on what I am doing at the moment.
Another thing that happens when we do not slow down is that we do not ‘attend’ to people. Instead of listening with eye contact, our brain is attending to other things. We miss out on deepening friendships and relationships because we are not showing attention to others that need our attention betimes.
As we age, it is easy to fall into feeling like a failure oif we do not do X amount of things in a day. Our body runs out of steam faster when we have the mental work going on. It is okay to rest, to nap, to take breaks between finishing jobs. Those who are type A personalities will find it hard to do so. But, a short nap is so empowering and it seems to ‘clear the deck’ of many jobs we had listed to be done. People like me retrieve that list quickly and now work doubly hard to complete things. I now consider a nap or rest as another job so that my brain will shut off so I can rest without guilt.
Another thing we, workaholics.. yes we are.. is that we miss out on the fun that happens every day. Fun things recharge us. We need to ake time to do fun things. Taking time out is not a sin but it can feel like it. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from a job half done to go do something fun. I do not know how much work it takes before we can find fun without guilt.
We may say we seek peace and quiet. We may tell you that we want a less busy life. We wish we did not become bone tired by 2 pm. We want life to be kinder, easier, calmer yet we keep going at break-neck speed until we hit the wall and cannot keep going. Learning to pace ourselves, in a body that is beginning to want less to do, we have to surrender to it.
Surrendering to being unable to do what we used to do, at the speed we used to do, is key to finding more peace as the years go by. We learn that building relationships is more important than a spotless house. Living in a well-lived-in home shows that we are willing to spend quality and quantity of time with those who come to visit. They will feel more at ease and the relationship is strengthened by our sitting down and spending quality time with them.
Here is some thoughts to consider as we practice being Present and living a less hurried life:
When you feel yourself starting to hurry and work work work, realize that we may be working to keep from thinking about/dealing with uncomfortable issues.
Do one job on your inner to-do list and then sit down and have a tea or drink and read a book for a few moments, have a nap, work in a journal. In other words, take breaks like recess at school, like office workers get. Learn to discipline yourself.
Realize that, sometimes, working like a whirling dervish is working an anxiety-driven life. Stop and think about what is making you anxious and why you are trying to wear off some adrenaline by physically wearing it off. Consider what you can do about the situation in order to come to some personal resolution. How can you calm the storm?
Instead of mindlessly working, while you are working, think about how many things you are thinking about in moments that are driving you to work harder. Are we multi-tasking? Why? There is always a why.
Stop and feel the sensations in your body. Consider how hard you are driving yourself. Notice your breathing, the pounding of your heart, the chaos you put your body through rather than sorting and settling issues that are the reason for you being driven.
Think about how you can alternate working with breaks that are guilt-free. Do you realize that you are trying to solve mental issues physically? It solves nothing. Yes, you are releasing adrenaline, but being peaceful can solve them as well. Try to get yourself to sit and think about your thinking.
Be patient with yourself. Do not let your inner critical voice try to berate you for not working your fingers to the bone. Do we realize it makes us unapproachable? Do we realize that a clean house or a finished job will not bring you to a more spiritual life? You are not “good” or “good enough” by working harder than is necessary. Remember you are made of four quadrants: physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual. Clean your house within . Don’t just use physical activity in a rush to try to settle issues from the other quadrants.
Slow down, sister-friends. Take time to live consciously, more focused, less harried life. We can hurry, hurry hurry, but have no end goal of peace, quiet, and resolutions.
Resolve to rest.
©Carol Desjarlais 10.21.23
No comments:
Post a Comment