Of All The Words, “Should” is Worst

 

 

“Shoulds' come only from leftover thinking. If we are truly in this moment (the only one there really is), we don’t should on ourselves. It’s a great freedom.
Next time you feel a should coming at you, ask yourself if it really belongs to you!”
― Kelly Corbet, BIG: the practice of joy

When “should” enters your poor battered brain, you need to banish it immediately.  Should belongs to a past that is past and a future that might be and in no way does “should’ belong in the present.  Should belongs to someone you are not, someone you do not have to be.  The word “should” is like taking a beating.  We beat ourselves up with a lot of “shoulds".

There is a huge difference between “should” and “want”, when you really think about it.  “Should” belongs to the vocabulary of someone other than you and you are trying to be a pleaser.  “Should” belongs to “I am not enough!”.  When we “Should” ourselves it is even more toxic.  We are putting pressure on ourselves to conform to someone else’s version of ourselves.  Tracing your “should” back to its origin will help you understand the WHY of “Should”.  “Shoulds” belong to some impossible dream that keep you from being Present.   You can figure out what is really important to you.  We do what we do when we do it.  We do IT because we do it.  We do it because that is our own authenticity.  We are not someone else’s “should”. 

Who are you?  What are you?  What is it that you do that belongs to a “should”.  When we entertain a “should”, we are trying to live someone else’s life.

Yes, there are some good “should” that keep us following rules, keep us civilized, keep us from dram and chaos, and help you live a good life…sometimes…  What are your values?   When we really look at what you value, we know the authentic “me”, rather than some imposed, or self imposed, you.  Your truth is no where near your” shoulds”. 

Make a list of your “should”.  Try to figure out where each “should” comes from.  Is the “should” really important top you and fit your reality?  If you WANT a “should”, then either make it happen or discard the “should”.  Did it really matter to you?  Does it really matter to you?  Will it really matter to you? 

We can “want” to do or have something OR we ‘should” have or do this.  A lot of money is made by big business on our “should”.  To know the “want” of something is to find ways to be motivated into getting it.  The “should” is a “whipping post” that speaks of, again, not being enough, not meeting some illusive goal that belongs to your critical inner voice rather than your authentic voice.  “|Want” is partnered with “need”… would you die if you did not have, do, get a certain thing?  No, of course not, in most cases.  When we ‘want’ something, someone, it means we wish and we can make our own wishes come true and seldom does it have anything to do with us dying without. 

‘Want’, ‘should’, ‘need’, all are lumped together and it is for us to dig into each and see if what we want, should, need is there in some form.  Need is something we cannot live without.  Really look at your should for today.  See if it is a want or a need, for real.  Let us not let another “should” leave the tip of our lips.  See how many times you think, or say, “should”, in twenty-four hours. 

©Carol Desjarlais 9.5.22