Eris, The Trouble-maker

*****Jan's Goddess Challenge

“During the dark night there is no choice but to surrender control, give in to unknowing, and stop and listen to whatever signals of wisdom might come along. - Thomas Moore

Jan added Goddess as a challenge for this month.  And so I chose Eris, the Greek Goddess of Chaos, Strife and discord.  How often do we find her an unwelcome guest in our lives, when she is being 'pissy'.  Eris is part her mother, Nyx, dark night, and we all do go through dark nights of the soul betimes. By learning more about Eris, we can learn more about how to be resilient during these times.

No matter how old you are, how settled, how calm, how cool, how clear-headed, there is always someone who is not and sometimes they bleed on to all our peace.  This kind of person creates drama because they live in drama, chaos and disruption and they want everyone to feel as rotten as they do.  They are, what a girlfriend and I labeled, 'sap suckers'.  I am sure you know one or two.

It is said that Eris had a son and called him 'Strife' who she took to war with her.  She, though, was only the beginner or trouble.  She is the one who will make trouble and then quietly sit back and watch the chaos.  Yes, we know some of these Eris'.  Yes, we see them on the internet and in some groups, and we begin to pick up on those who are influenced by Eris.  

Why do we feel the need to defend ourselves from such?  Ego.  Ego wants us always to be right, even when we are not.  And, usually our first defense is anger, then hurt, then we assume a sense of guilt, even when we are not guilty.  We can sit in a muddle and wonder what others are thinking.  Or not!  Or NOT is a good thing against Eris type personalities.  Revenge never works with Eris influences.

Eris, apparently was not invited to some big wedding and she labeled a golden apple "for the most beautiful' and immediately the struggles began as she wandered through the guests.  It was a huge honor to have that apple, so, immediately, every woman guest started vying for that golden apple.  Thus came the first Beauty Pageant.    
There were bribes, as the gods started judging.  There were huge offerings.  But, you see, Helena of Troy was the most beautiful and Paris ran away with her.  Thus the Thousand Ships of Trojan War.  It was a terrible war full of tricky and devastation and the only one that sat back and enjoyed it?  Of course, Eris!  She had created some big chaos to be sure. 

Chaos-makers are manipulative and can hit you with an unexpected bit of chaos.  You find yourself in a lose/lose situation because there is no way to defend yourself without more drama.  Chaos-makers are narcissistic and there is no way they can relate to anyone else's feelings, so appealing to such is useless.  They will simply try to control all outcomes.  Chaos-makers expect to make chaos for you and expect you to fix the trouble he/she has caused.  They are 'sap suckers' and any relationship you have with them, you are only someone to 'use'.  There is nothing they not do to create drama wherever they go, with everyone they are in a relationship with.  They do not follow cultural and societal rules and can blind side you in a moment.  When you look back after a scuffle, you will see that this is not a new type of incident.  You have not been the only target.  An Eris cannot go through life without causing more hurt because they are hurt.

Enmeshment is a heavy tool such use.  And the longer the enmeshment, the harder it takes to walk away from them.  When I was walking away from a 19 year marriage, oh, man, did the Eris' ever show up.  I went to counseling to make sure I never ever went back for anything ever, not even for my seven children I eventually got full custody of.  I lost 70 pounds from the stress and someone dared to say that "how I was now living showed on me" and it was meant to be mean and it wasn't true and it was scary because I was going to court to get my divorce and my kids.  (I would never have left without my children).  How I managed to stay sane through it all is a miracle.  Not joking!

I went to University and took classes that would help empower me.  I continued on with counseling to keep me headed in the right direction.  Coming from an abusive relationship was huge and I had all the personality of a victim.  I had let myself be bullied.  I am so grateful that, maybe for the first time in my life, I made the wisest decisions. (btw, he can still push my buttons, over the kids, although they are adults and successfully so)  I remember someone saying, "the more love there was, the harder we/they kick to get out.  I think that is so, in my case.  

Refuse to stay in the fighter's ring.  Make distance.  Take distance.  Quietly bow out.  Feel the strength it took for you to walk away from it all.  Do not let Ego cause you doubt or feelings of guilt.  You are doing this for you physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.  You can forgive, for your own peace of mind, but never ever forget... Eris characters can always find another way in, if you have been a willing victim to their chaos.

 

Drawing Eris was difficult...oh, those hands.  I need to go back and do the tutorials on hands, again.

I decided that I would use my India Inks.

And, there has to be some drizzle.

Doing a light pink face under-painting and using some dioxadine pur0le helped me set some darker areas.

slowly, layer by layer, I develop tone, shape, and hue. I keep touching on the hands and try to leave them when I get frustrated and try another area to work on.,  The apple was a good place.

I tried outlining with my brown felt watercolor pen.  It only got worse.  She was making trouble for me, indeed.  She is well-named.

I struggled on and got some brilliant 'trouble-maker' red for her covering.

I bought this diamond glaze in Arizona, at Hobby Lobby, and once in a while I use it because it raises up a layer and highlights it.  over the apple, it was dynamic.  (I have also used Jigsaw Puzzle sealer, as times)

At the end, with a bit of detail, I love her.  Of course, that hand looks awfully 'claw-like' but then I figured Eris might have such.  lol.


Never think you can change them.  They need way more help than we can give.  Just keep yourself safe and change you.  Much love to those who have these at work in their lives right now.

©Carol Desjarlais 3.6.20

I, also,  spoke to Jan about a book that changed my life.  Here is a link to that book.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/93571.Dark_Nights_of_the_Soul