The Bibbity Bobbity Boo of the Young Woman Within Versus the Aging Body

Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. - Eleanor Roosevelt

Who is to say how an aging woman feels?  Who is to say how an aging woman should feel?  This blob of water, tissue, bones and skin is merely a vessel and mine is a cracked old thing.  It does not define who I am.  It never would be possible to look at me and say "This is who she is!" 

My outside body ages without my permission or control.  (Get thee hence you purveyors of Fountains of Youth and your money-making deals.)  Genetics rules how we age, as does external factors throughout our life, and , also, how we have lived has a role to play.  Did you know that scientists found out that a woman's breast tissue is actually some of the oldest tissue in our bodies?  It is older than our chronological age by years.  I found this fascinating. 

To me, aging seemed to happen in jumps and starts. The only way I should have done this aging thing is to accept it when I noticed it.  *I didn't.  It was like someone went 'bibbipty bobbity boo' and suddenly I leapt to an older body age.  Suddenly, here I am, with old woman things happening and it, in no way, reflects the girl within. 

Perhaps you have had the same mind-blowing realizations and have become paralyzed with fear, betimes, and you set your mindset to denial, but you found the body had other ideas and no matter how we try to prevent it, you aged.  Perhaps you embraced it when it came to notice and you changed your idea of your aging body with you expectations and capabilities.  I have recently been told by a doctor to 'act my age'.  That struck me deeply.  How often, in my life, have I heard that?  I am having to admit, accept, that I cannot be the whirlwind of multitasking.  I cannot go like a dust devil like I used to.  The mind is willing.  The body is not.  How do I give a stern talking to to the young woman within and surrender to this old body?

It is said that those who were the best at being young will have the worst of it when they age; the worst of accepting it, surrendering to it, exploring it, and honoring it.  Those more focused on body-beautiful will have the hardest time being the age-appropriate woman full of dignity and grace.  Some lose their confidence as they age.  Some hold on to that youthful woman, within, tooth and nail.  Some find ways to work around aging.  Some fall into depression and anxiety.  I have had my moments of each.

And then there are the clichés.  I am not any of those clichés.  I realize I have more experiential maturity but I do not feel all that wise.  And I am grateful, sometimes, for having lived this long when others have not.  I know I tire more easily no matter what job lists I have for the day.  I have been learning to give myself permission to be tired.  I have learned the joy of an afternoon nap in the middle of some job list I had made for the day.  I cannot say I am embracing 'The Years', I am succumbing to it, more like. 

One thing I have noticed is that I am learning to enjoy things more, sometimes as if this possible last time.  I think this began when I lost my soul mate.  It might seem maudlin to others, but I do not want to live as long as my maternal ancestors.  I do not want to live long enough to lose what mind I have left.  I do not want to live long enough for body pain to be my burden to bear.  I am trying to have the mindset that this is all I have so enjoy it.  I am trying to live life where the mind stays that youthful 34 year old yet understands her limitations.  I am living life trying things one last time to see if I can do it (think diving into the river last year and meeting my limitations). I, absolutely, am learning to enjoy the young woman within and do things that make her satisfied with how I am living.

©Carol Desjarlais 4.17.19