Calm In The Chaos

 

 

Peace is not the absence of chaos or conflict, but rather finding yourself in the midst of that chaos and remaining calm in your heart.”

― John Mroz

No matter how hard you try, chaos will come to visit you.  Well, not ‘visit’ exactly, ‘came in the form of a handicapped adult male who   was walking the streets because there was no room at the shelter last night.  We have been surrogate grandparents to him and knew that he would eventually end up back on the street. A 4 am. call put it upon us to go pick him up in this icy raining night and bring him to our home where it is warm and it is safe.  This means there is an environment of chaos/drama until they get him placed in a new home.  I will share how I am going to try to keep the chaos out of my body, mind, heart and soul for these days that there will be turmoil.

M, I will call him, is mentally, physically, disabled and came into our lives when his parents died in the Lyton fire two years ago.  He was grieving hard.  He has myriads of issues in all quadrants of his life. We have invested a great deal of energy in him and it is important that we give him the chance to be in a safer, calmer, happier place.  We have tried before and failed in that he chose to go back into the chaos.  He may do so again.  But, for a couple of days, while we await decisions by his case workers, and supervisors, he will be here with all his chaos he will drag with him.  I always have to drag out my career skills to work with him, to deal with him, and in the meantime, keep his chaos from interfering with my own life.  Here are some ways I, and you, can deal with chaos-visitations.

It is not trite to say “…accept the things I cannot change…”.  We have to get out of Creator’s way so Creator can do what Creator deems necessary.  All we can do is keep him compassionate company as he goes through a really difficult time.   I lock away any chance that I might enable him and make sure whatever I do is empowering.  Nurturing and caring is what is needed.   I have to make sure that I take care of me and stay positive.  No sense any more of us being stressed over this.  I must keep to my usual schedule each day.  For instance, since I retired, I have an unwritten rule that I should not be asked to do anything for anyone else until 10 am.  The morning hours are for making breakfast, doing my art for a couple of hours, prepping for the day, and writing my blog.  I do way better if I am not harried and hurried.  I, also, have to be aware that some things will change and try to lower my expectations for myself as these days go on. Sticking to my routine helps me not feel burdened and keeps stress from building.

I need to make sure I stay in tune with my body and be Present enough to notice when my body is feeling stressed.  As well, because of past history with this issue, I know that I could be triggered and then the chaos can wriggle its way into my psyche. 

M deserves some respect.  He is broken-hearted.  I have to keep in mind that he needs that extra care that I am able to give to him.  If I, and I do, keep in mind he is another creative project, then I will not feel even a tinge of being put-upon.  Just because he is enmeshed in chaos does not mean we have to be.  Just because he is in chaos, we do not have to let it into our quietude.  I have to stay grounded as we sort this all out with him.  In the meantime, I must remember to enjoy him and his sweet childlike need to please us. 

When chaos tries to visit, set your boundaries, center your heart, and take care of business so the business does not take care of you.

©Carol Desjarlais 11.7.23