First Raven: Tens Of Thousands Of Ancestors

 

 

 

I live on Syeelhwh Okanagan land.  I heard a version of the story of First Raven this morning.

First Raven created the world we live on and then, when he was all done, he started to get lonely.  It is said that he lured the first humans out of a clamshell he found on a beach.  (In some stories he makes the first humans out of clay.  It is also, of interest, that he made one out of ten bears white bear to honor the ice age. – the white spirit bears on the coast even today.)  In his loneliness, he made our ancestors.  Each of us has tens of thousands of ancestors who love us.  Ancestors who were brave, full of hope and vitality and loved each other.  You and I are made up of that strength, that bravery, that love that came from our ancestors.  Because of them we are here. 

It is said, Raven held a great feast and invited all his first humans to this feast.  When everyone turned to leave to go back to the four corners of the land, he gave each one of them a gift for coming and gathering and feasting and dancing.  Those gifts are passed down through us, their progeny.  Each of us is here for a reason.  The first peoples knew that each gift was a responsibility.  They lived it and passed it down to us...that responsibility each of us carry.  Those tens of thousands of ancestors loved each other and us.  We are loved.  Each one of us is greatly loved by our ancestors and it is our responsibility to live so that we are directed to pass on the gift that came from our ancestors.  All the way back to First Raven.

It behooves us to live knowing we matter.  If we did not, we would not be here.  The gift we carry matters.  We are greatly loved and so must greatly love each other.  That is what is wrong with the world today.  We forgot that love came first.  Raven was so lonely he loved us into being.  We must never not love ourselves.  We must never not love others.  Every one of us is loved by tens of thousands of ancestors. 

I love this story.  How hard it is to say to everyone we ever meet that we love them.  It should be a given.  My ancestors love your ancestors all the way back to First Raven.

May we remember that.

©Carol Desjarlais 3.30.24

Self-Inflicted Feelings

 

 

 

How often, the sneaking persistent feelings of ‘not quite good enough’ come niggling through to your consciousness.  It saps your self-confidence, your energy, your rest and/or your reason to get up and get going. Those feelings are not your reality.  They are made up feelings.

Sometimes the brain decides to trick us.  It makes up negative feelings that do not correspond to reality.  The feelings/emotions are cut off from reality as if the brain were telling a story.  It emphasizes the negative/ your fears so that it feels real and it can disable your ability to feel loved, accepted, that you matter. 

I think that those disconnected feelings that do not fit reality are like a waking dream going on in the background, and that it is like the Real You is looking in on a story that is negative.  The story is negative and contains all one’s fears about self and what we do, what we are.  It is degrading, questioning the positive aspects of Self. 

If you listen to the story, you will denigrate all you do (for instance, an art piece you are working on...telling you that it is garbage, not good enough)... and it spirals into You are not good enough… the story builds as long as you allow it.    It will be in the background when someone tells you something positive about Self or what you do. It will denigrate anything that others might compliment you on.   It keeps you in survival mode, rather than thriving.  It keeps you stressed and can lead to a state of depression.  You begin to doubt yourself.  You withdraw, when it is at its worst. 

To ward off the negative thinking, you can bottle up those negative feelings and they will come pouring out at some minor thing.  You can find yourself riding the sharp edge of bitterness and anger.  If you, finally, get tired of it all, you could/can flick a switch that turns off the background noise, become aware of what is happening, refuse to accept the story and the storyteller in your head.  Only you can do this. 

Once you become aware of the storyteller in your head, you begin to take control of yourself.  This is powerful stuff.  You can stop the ‘knee-jerk reactions to the stories being told by some negative speaker in you head.  You have to refuse the Fake Story being told.   Acknowledge the storyteller in your head.  Acknowledge the messages as being heard, then refuse it.  If a feeling being expressed is not validating, simply switch off its power button.  You hold all the power over your thoughts and feelings.  Visualize flicking the switch.  Keep doing it until the feelings / thoughts stop.  Find some way to validate yourself.  I turn to my art.  If I wake up in the night with a story streaming through, get up.  Don’t lay there and let it go on.  Refuse it.  Get up and do something to take your mind off listening to the negativity.  I art, plan meals, sometimes bake, whatever it takes to stop the negatives.  With practice you get better at it.  If it needs to be heard so badly, do an art journal page that speaks for it… as you do the art, your frame of mind will change. 

You are in control of your thoughts and feelings.  Remember that.  You matter.  There is no one on earth exactly like you.  I remember hearing from an Elder who was speaking at a conference in Rapid City.  He said, “All of you are here in answer to some ancestor’s prayers!”  I keep that fresh in my mind when negativity is trying to run over me like a Mac truck.  I am here for a reason.  I matter.  You are here for a reason.  You matter.

©Carol Desjarlais 3.29.24 

 

Prickly Friends

 

 

My friend Holly put up a F.B. post on Porcupine people.  We had been talking about such just a while ago.  I have someone in my life that is a prickly person.  I find it tenuous and, at time, stressful, to be with this person in a crowd because she is so negative… sometimes downright nasty.  But I love her.  She is not a friend to be compassionate, etc. but I also see, sometimes, peeking through, just barely, a bit of tenderness. 

Being around prickly people keeps you alert, for sure.  And, if they leash out with something nasty to someone, or loud enough for that someone to hear, it is mortifying. Yet, I am her friend and she is dear to me.

I get that she is insecure, needs positive affirmation in her life, is lonely, has some envy problems because of it.  I, also, get that she is trying to keep her own head above water and feel less a fringe person but seems not to have the personal skills to do so.  Dpon’t get me wrong.  I, in no way, act like a counsellor, and seldom do I call her on things, and when I do, I make sure it is pointed and only in question form.  “Why do you not like _______?”  To which she will say something judgemental or spiteful in reply, about the person.  But she seems to be more careful about speaking ill of that same person, around me,  from then on. 

We all have people that strike us wrong.  First impressions, which, I might add, are typically wrong, might have us leery of that person.  And, I find, in myself, that there is no real reason for that person putting me off, but it is there.  At times, we may have people who make the hair rise on the back of our neck.  They seem to be people, strangers, who I sense to not look in the eye.  I do not make a big deal of it.  I simply back off and walk away.  There are some people we just must not engage with.

I have learned that, if I care for this person, I have to surrender in a way and keep the peace by simply ignoring her negative remarks about others.  She has her reasons.  And, I refuse to ever take responsibility for another adult and what they might say or do.  I won’t apologize for them.  Neither will I affirm nor disagree.  I simply ignore.  It is not my job to judge her.  And, I am not her mother.  I can say something if she is being negative about me, how wrinkled I look from losing too much eight… how my style is like some damned teenager… like how my hair looks weird with its new cut and doo… how my shoes aren’t the right kind for my age…  and I might simply say, but I like it. 

Don’t ask me why I remain friends with her.  I do love her.  We have very little in common.  I do have empathy for her.  I can only imagine how hard it is for her to be the way she is.  I am sure the bitterness has to weigh heavily.  I sit back and watch her interact with our other friends.  I see how some fall into the negativity.  It is hard on me when there are two of them together, but I stick to what I am concentrating on and do not join in and they do not seem to mind that I don’t.  When I have had enough of it all, I will withdraw for a week or two to give myself a break.  I guess she is more like family than friend.  There is something worth it or I would not continue.  I am sure there are lots of psychological reasons for it, but I just want to hang with her when it is just us because it is easier.  We have a regular type friendship when we do.  We laugh, we have nice meals out. 

What think you on the subject?  Do you have a friend that is harder to deal with?

©Carol Desjarlais 5.28.24