Why does it seem so hard to accept accolades? Why do we minimize compliments? Do we not believe we deserve them now and again?
As a child, as early back as I can remember, when an adult gave me a compliment, I thought they simply had a hidden agenda, or were manipulating someone nearby by pretending to complment me. I analyzed everything. Sometimes I sensed they were somehow obligated, at times. That began a lifelong way of dealing with compliments: I deflected them. Strange that I clung to the negative metions for over half my life. It is said it is typical of someone with low self-esteem, warped thought processes, and perfectionism. And, somehow, I compared myself to what others thought of others that I felt did deserve such compliments. I could not see the good in msyelf. Yes, that describes me.
This is my truth about myself and it is difficult to deal with positive comments because I believed the opposite about self. I have to , consciously, make sure I do not deflect compliments. I have to zip my mouth and practice just answering, “thank you!”.
In fact, it is hard to even allow people to be kind to me. I am getting better at it, but, geez, I am turning 74 years old in July. Now that I have learned to accept compliments (even if I do not believe them) I feel commitedto try to outdo what I did that they complimented me for. I guess if I deflected, I would not feel like a failure if I did not do it better next time. Yes, for a time, as I practiced gracefully accepting a comopliment, it caused anxiety and I have decided that the anxiety comes from fear of failure. Bottom line, I do not believe in muyself.
Why do we women fear being narcisstic when we ccept compliments? Why do we minimize compliments? Why do we deflect them? I know I a my own worst criticm and somehow it feels more comfotsblre to do that than to accept compliments. Of course, then we have the problem of dwelling on negative feedback and not accepting compliments right to our very soul.
When we do that, we ar refusing the happiness, the satisfaction, the joy within ourselves and, in a way, when we do accept them, there is a sense of fulfillment. We rob ourselves of that, on purpose, when we refuse a compliment. The more we refuse compliments, the more we do not experience real happiness. Eventually, I think we fall into total acceptance of our unworthiness, although we wrankle at it. Our dismissiveness keeps us from feeling a sense of pride and remain in a negative state of mind. We get used to it.
I challenge you all to try, for just one week, to accept ocmpliments and becoome more aare of how we deflect compliments. Let that become your new habit: to accept that we are worthy.
With this page, I worked on working INTO the collage. We can draw, paint, shapes and details. When you are collaging a page you are going to work into, be sure and be careful with the gluing because the glue will not take the paint and watercolor or ink well. If you do make a mistake and the gluer has seeped out, you can use acrylics, oils or pigments. Be sure and seal your page afterwards set the work.
©Carol Desjarlais 6.27.22
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