Re-Member-ing

 

 

“Any creation of a narrative is a bit of a lie.” – Julie Beck, The Friendship Files

When we think of the memories in our lifeline, most of them are not actually fact.  They are colored through the storytelling of them.  Something happens, we embed it, colored to our perspective of the time, add emotions and automatic reactions and then we treat it as if it were, to the dot on the i and the crosses of Ts, and add some P and Qs, to make us seem more acceptable, then off we go on to another experience and another story we tell about ourselves.  We have done this since we were, about two years of age, the age of memory erasure and new beginnings.  Then we become our stories.

In our stories of Self, personality is added, disposition is added, goals and values according to us, are added.  Every time we tell OUR story, we add in little tiny details, that may not even be true.  But, humans tend to need a plot, a redemption, a way to shape the story of our life into something coherent, and life is not always coherent, believe me.

At some point (I am at that point, for sure) we need to really look at the story we tell ourselves about our life.  Our story is not a movie:  Our story is about trying to make sense of random events, or chaotic events, in our life line.  There is not a soul on earth that has not had some sorrow, some fear, some things they would rather not remember.  Some of us felt those things raw and real, some anesthetized ourselves, however we, individually, have done that.  By not feeling it all raw and real, we may have diluted our story, or forgotten what made us courageous, brave, and vulnerable, and all those things we feared.  We missed out on some great storytelling twists and turns that made us who we are today.  Sometimes, with courage in our pockets, we need to take the long walk through some of our story and find our brave places and spaces.  You see, we do not tell our stories.  Our stories tell us who we are and who we will be because of all that surviving, overcoming and thriving.  Never mind ever telling anyone else our whole story.  That is not the point.  We need to tell ourselves our real stories.  It is then we can truly know who we are.  Then we know our Queendom and how totally awesome we are.

©Carol Desjarlais 8.5.21

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