Authenticity

 

 

 

We're all lovers and we're all destroyers. We're all frightened and at the same time we all want terribly to trust. This is part of our struggle. We have to help what is most beautiful to emerge in us and to divert the powers of darkness and violence. I learn to be able to say, "This is my fragility. I must learn about it and use it in a constructive way."--Jean Vanier

We, as I have said many times before, all wear masks.  We are one person to our children, one to our partners, different ones to our family to friend, to community, to the whole outside world.  Different masks for different people.  I do not say, “Do you have to go potty” the outside world, now, do we?  Which is our authentic self when we strip society and relationships out of it?  Or are we all?  Yes, we are all.  The person you show to the world is a huge truth.

We still carry the fear of being rejected by our tribe that the cavepeople felt.  We control how much we show of ourselves because we are still protecting self.  We are terrified of ridicule, of judgement, of rejection and we are so very careful.  Some of us have been brought up under the parental commandment of “What will people think?”  How do we face that fear and how much to we show?

Which are false masks?  Whew!  That is such a tough one.  Because, those who say, “This is who I am, I am blunt, I say what I think, I have my opinion so you need to accept that, I don’t care what others think, this is the real me and you need to accept that”?  Be grateful for those kind because they teach you how to deflect mean comments, criticisms, and self-confidence.  Strip off the mask of vulnerability to such people.  Society has all types.  They are a type, you are a type, and being authentic allows for you to be less indignant towards them and just smiling and considering times you have been what they accuse you of.  Nothing dis-empowers a mean person more than a quick smile of affirmation.  I remember telling my students that they could dis-empower a verbal bully by considering when the have been the connotations of “bitch”.  Have I ever been a bitch, one should think?  Oh, yes, there was this time... these times... and smile and know the truth of it is no big deal.  That smile is a mighty sword of containing your authentic self.  It is a sobering thought and a ‘smileable’ one.  Quite disarming., the authentic mask is in this kind of situation.

When did we start hiding who we were?  This is an absolutely important thing to consider.  It happens early in childhood, the first time we were told to stop what we were doing, in order to fit in.   “Dry up….don’t act like that…wipe that off your face….sit still….don’t feel like that….”!   Those are the origins of putting on masks.  Is someone to blame?  No, it is a normal part of maturation.  You began to be aware that others must approve of you, that they won’t automatically adore your sweet child self. 

How deeply you tried to fit in (the pleaser, ever the pleaser, I) shows up in you today.  I was a precocious child they said.  I had few filters.  Sometimes my filters do not work today, but I try not to unmask the part of me that is still the rebellious, foot-stomping, self.  Keeping track of feelings and moods can really help us define the authentic self again.  I do this through art, through crafting, through art journaling and this blog.  This blog is the most real thing you get from me.  I am totally unmasked here.  You get to see my truths.

My Inborn Self had a major break as a tiny baby in the rejection and abandonment of my maternal figure.  Then, at seven months I had a new maternal and a father figure.  How did that affect true self, I often wonder, but know I was surely blessed with that second mother and father.  I have worked on abandonment and rejection since those first few days of who I was born to be.  I continue to keep watch on my masks of being such.  It takes big bravery to doff the masks.  I need to experience who I am today.  I need to wave the courageous banners of my unmasking. 

How many masks do you wear?  How authentic are you?  Do you know your authentic self?

Be big!  Be courageous!  Be brave!  You matter.  We all matter.  How much of one’s true self do we show to the world?  Here.  Here is my authentic self.  I love me.  I forgive you.  I love you.

©Carol Desjarlais 8.26.21