Living in a Covid Cloud

 

 

 

We are experienced a year-long constant sense of fear and anxiety that is global.  There is no way to know where it exactly began and where, or if, it is going to end.  We are fractured between what we have always known to this separation from loved ones, losses of freedoms, and there is an overriding sense of helplessness.  They are speaking about changes in sleep patterns due to isolation.  They are speaking about PTSD showing up in some.  Relationships are stressed.  Our sense of empathy is changing because some are feeling anger towards those rule-breakers who have always been rule-breakers.  We have different responsibilities and there seems to be a sense of needing to be able to express personal fears and emotions that we would never have entertained before.

Every part of our daily lives has been disrupted.  Our routines have become too routine.  It is easy, and, I figure, quite valid, to procrastinate.  I, now, spend time, wondering if I will get my mojo back when all this is done.  I am pretty sure our whole identity will have been changed.  I wonder…   how will our psyche react once we are freed again?  Will this ‘alone’ time have us clearer about who and why we are? 

Personal growth should have happened, was mine positive or negative?  Did my negative emotions rise as well?  Or, have I had the time and space to learn to douse out the flames of negativity that rise now and again.  I have beaten the need to create stress to get things done, thank goodness.  We are surely resilient beings. Introverts have been able to avoid social pressures, how will they re-enter society, with normal interactions, when the time comes to do so?  Will it be difficult for those of us who were outgoing and social beings to manage the over-stimulation of re-entry?  I guess time heals all things.

However it happens, whenever it happens, I am thinking one might wisely not binge.  I have a sense that it may take a year/years for anything close to a new normal to take place.  Somehow we have to learn to surrender to the changes.  As for me, I have moved into a covid cloud and realize that everything about me is sluggish.  I have needed stimulation of being out and about. 

What are your thoughts on the matter?

©Carol Desjarlais 28.12.21

 

Preparing to Set 2021 Intentions

 

 

 

Perhaps this ending of a horrible year is the most important of any other New Years that I know of.  We sense a great gnawing need for change.  We see the changes in ourselves, negative or positive, and we may be vowing to make a change to the more positive, the less negative.  Many of us will make New Resolutions that we have no hope in keeping and will be done by the end of the month.  It would be easily done to feel less than resolute as so much is out of our control.  We can only make changes in self.

I ‘Intend” to maker changes in self. I have the time and space.  We all do!  I thought ahead and obtained some essence oils to help make impressions multisensory.  In order to be reminded, in an olfactory way, I will use the oils that promote remembrance and change.  For instance, on January 1^st, I will put a dot of Bergamot oil on the surface of my day planner.  Every time I sit in front of my computer, that smell will remind me that I Intended to make such and such change.  (Bergamot oil attracts success.)  You would think that, being retired, being restricted, would mean I do not need a datebook.  Old habits die long.  I have always kept a day planner (a teacher’s guide to life) and it is always full.  I have chosen, lately, to keep a small one for my purse that I can add those things I want, need, must do, wish to do, when the moment inspires.  On the beginning of each page, I write what I intend to do that month.  I have pretty stickers, tiny notepads, and my page becomes a 3D tome of the remainders of my moths and days.  Eventually, the spiral bound day planner will become my future art journal because the pages are sturdy and ready to work magic upon.  Before I turn it into an art journal, I read it all and am reminded of my reminders, for I am, at best a moderate procrastinator. 

Considering make Intentions, will set your Ego/Lizard Brain/Evil Inner Witch off.  You may feel restless, your sleep patterns may be off ( due to covid restrictions, they say), you may feel anxious and down, you may be overthinking and that EIW may have you to note negative energies more quickly.    I am sure you have heard the age-old myth about salt being a negative energy remover (throw salt over your shoulder, etc.).  I will be showing you how to make a salt bowl to symbolize the removal of negative energies in the first week of January.  I have been smudging with assorted smudging materials, and I have an altar. (More on this in January, as well).  I will be showing you how to make a salt bowl to help remove negative energy in the first days of January.

So, let us begin this new year cycle in ways that we are more resolute in working on self (setting intentions) to change the energy that we send out into the ether.  I am with you!

©Carol Desjarlais 27.12.21

 

 

The Letdown of Lights

 

 

 

I am wondering if the lack of frantic readying for Christmas and visitors is going to affect one’s Post-Christmas letdown.  Christmas Eve is typically a quieter evening than usual.  Christmas Day was like only a couple I have experienced before – the being alone and way up in the North and unable to fly out due to the cold and planes unable to fly, or no way out of a community, etc.  We are restricted and many restrictions changed even the way of preparing for Christmas.   Christmas morning was painful with no one to wake up and to watch their joy Christmas night was a letdown as I am not be my usual exhausted.  Boxing day will just be another day like the days before, weeks before, months before. 

I have always loved celebrations and the joy attached to it all.  I have tried.  I put up outside lights, did my Christmas gnome, decorated, minimally, in the house just because.  That one or two presents under the tree simply depressed me.  But, I did get to order some art supplies and a couple of new art tools.  I bought myself a couple of leggings and a woodburning set with comfort and inspiration awaiting.  I really am feeling too melancholy to enjoy much of it.  I spent a month making blankets for the great grandbabies.  I spent one hour Christmas shopping.  Suddenly the let down is here as all those are done and now what? 

I know what is missing:  It is the Spirit of Christmas.  It was the spirit that was not here.  I could not get interested in watching Christmas movies following Christmas Day.  In fact, I only watched one and only part of that.  The void is huge. 

I made cookies and candies and made sure I had mandarin oranges and had oyster stew for Christmas Eve.  It did not have me feel close to anyone.  It was all so routine.  It was all so quiet.  I have no Christmas memories for this year.  I was expecting this ow, affirmed that my feelings were such.  I have projects to do (new projects) but the drive is not there just yet. 

It is difficult to look forward to much as we know this virus is going to be around for a long time yet.  A person can only get so much rest and relaxation before one begins to feel stagnant.  I am trying to be gentle with self and feel my authentic feelings.  It has been a real hit to the psyche to not have excitement be a part of the holidays. 

As the New Year prepares to kick in, I have planned a few things to do, to read, to start.  They are pretty watered down in looking forward to.  My only antidote is my art.  I have to dive in, deeper and deeper to get some comfort , peace, and fulfillment.  

No boxes here to discard, to find use for.  Taking down decorations will be like removing a funeral shroud, I fear.  How is Boxing day going for you?

©Carol Desjarlais 26.12.20