Good Medicine

"Laughter is the shortest distance between two people." - Victor Borge

Do not think for a moment that we stop being silly when we are older.  Heck, sillier just gets more real.  We certainly have to have a sense of humor.

Balance can be the joke of the day, maybe days, depending on how you fell over and on the gate and what ribs the spikes hit.  I laid there, frozen, paralyzed, seriously for a few minutes because none of my arms or legs would work.  My body was in shock.  Well, it let me down so it can stay there, I was thinking.  Then, after a few seconds, I got really worried because they still would not work to get me up.  I could hear the shower going in the master bathroom.  No one was coming to my aid.  I climbed up like a hundred year old woman, giving my head a shake...Then starting laughing.  It had to be the shock.  I laughed til I peed.  And... there is no sense bending over to pick up stuff because you just keep[ going.  Even sitting down and bending over can be a challenge.  Ask me how I get my shoes off or my ankle-fitting jeans.  There is a family's funniest video take there.  Tim Conway has nothing on me.

Body has turned against me too.  Did you know you can sleep the wrong way?  Did you know that you cannot reach into the backseat to grab something without a screeching muscle cramp in places you never knew you had.  I have.  I do.  That is why old people don't have kids in the back seat any more...cannot reach to swat them.  And, yes, the body does not even like sneezing any more.  I am now calling it peezle.. I peezle.  You get the run of this, right?  There are so many new ways to hurt yourself... and....  I used to be able to put my feet up behind my head.  I did.  Honest.  I did.  ... I was even a ballerina, once, 60 odd years ago.  Now I cannot lift my one leg up to put on my socks because my hip seizes.  Want to know how I hurt my hip?  Well, I am going to tell you.  It was in bed.  Yeah, sounds racy, I know.  Was kinky alrighty!  Well, the duvet was wrapped around me funny.  I used my leg to kick it off.  Had to lift my leg pretty high to get it all off...was frustrating me.  I lifted that leg higher with the duvet and boom... hip seized like I had a pinched nerve.  Yeah, that's how.  It has hurt for a month now.  That kink is not giving in.

Brain overload is a huge problem.  I do not know when it happened, exactly, but I can only concentrate on one thing at a time.  "You didn't hear what I said," says he who would be heard while I am on my hands and knees under the desk trying to find the usb port to plug my usb mouse thingie in.  I pretend that I am being funny about a word I say, that makes no sense, but, in reality, that name does not come to me,  Thingie is a new word.  Following a recipe.. omg, I have to add oen thing at a time, while I am looking at ipad, CopyThat program.  For the life of me I cannot remember the next ingredient.  And, I lose my place so the Christmas Cake, that was the too boozy one, is rock hard for some reason.  I pretended I meant to do that, as I do with lots of things, and soaked cheesecloth in rum and wrapped it up good.  Lord knows how I am going to fake the taste tests.  Yeah, multitasking skills gone haywire.  I, once upon a time, could plan, organize, clean, eat, schedule, keep kids in order, brush hair, put on makeup, and listen for anything sounding like crashing from the playroom, all at the same time.  Now I can hardly follow through on brushing hair.  I get distracted.  And, heaven help me if I had to sit and listen to a speaker for ten minutes.  I can barely keep my proverbial chite together to play bingo. 

Frustration levels.  Yes, frustration levels.   is a huge thing, too.  And levels of ability to deal with simple tasks.  Ok, so, I cannot deal with scotch tape.  I have had it wrapped around fingers and up my arm and on the wrong papers.  Scotch tape is no longer my friend.  And, lord, do not ask me to tear plastic wrap and get it on anything other than itself.  Can't do it.  I drop things that should never be dropped.  I put things where things should never be put.  I spill hot coffee..ok, I actually POURED hot soup in my hand..did not even have the bowl.  I have tripped over something that has been there for years.  All of this in about ten minutes.  It makes me so mad at myself.  Little ordinary things, we automatically do, like lifting our foot the right height to step up a step.. yeah, misjudging it is a common thing.  Our heads are full of, "don't fall...don't fall", and "remember that there is a signal to walk", and "first put the sugar in the coffee, then put only one tsp of creamer, not the whole container...".  Yeah, stuff like that.

And, you may think that we get less raunchy as we age.  Nah!  We don't necessarily.  We have nothing to lose.  We'll say it if we think it.  In fact, some of the funniest things, ever, have happened outside the bingo hall, with my best friends.  Yes, we all pee a little.  The things we talk about out there... omg, if our kids knew.  And things get confusing.  I was a bit slow on the uptake of raunchy jokes so that my daughter has to explain to me.  Well, now even a clean joke can be dirty.  I have learned to quietly chuckle to myself instead of blurting out what I thought.  Yes, we have done a lot of living.  Like a joke I saw:  "Dr says to patient, "How long have you been bedridden?"  Woman, astonished, says, "well, my husband has been dead ten years!"...lol  see.. I get that right away.  lol

Acceptance of all this is tough.  We know what is happening.  We are trying to fool ourselves and others.  That takes a lot of energy. 

As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me 
momentarily. I started to describe him: “He has gray hair, wears glasses, has a potbelly ...”  She stopped me there. “Honey,” she said, “today is senior day. They all look like that.”

One of the funniest things is when we go to Yuma, with all the snowbirds, and we go into bingo, he and I, and as soon as we start getting in lien to get cards, it becomes a fiasco.  By the time we are headed to find a seat, we pass table after table of couples sitting all white-haired and ready to play, and as I pass, every one of those wives will roll their eyes.  Yes, we get good at that , too. 

It truly is a good thing we keep our sense of humor.  I thought I lost mine.  I missed it, for three years after I lost my sweetheart.  I truly missed it.  But, it is coming back and I love it.  It helps me get through the spilled milk, the missed toilet, the heavy covers and the "oh, my god, I cannot drive at night" panic, which turned out to be I clicked the wrong thing for a ten minute drive.  I wondered why cars were flashing their lights at me.    I have gotten so I tell dear ones I am on the road.. so they don't come too.  There are challenges and obstacles we never dreamed of. 

Something has to reduce the stress.  Something has to be good amidst the not good.  As long as I laugh, I won't give up.  Laughter is good medicine.

©Carol Desjarlais 12.5.18