Life Can Suck and Sometimes It Doesn't

 

 

“Life is not always easy. And that is a major reason why it is so precious. Many of life’s best rewards are possible only because you must work your way through difficult challenges to get to them. If everything in life were easy, there would be no opportunity for real fulfillment.” –Ralph Marston

Life is all about stress, conflicts, physical problems and mental problems.  Life can definitely be difficult with outside stressors.  We deal with deaths, being accepted, finding our place in the world, making serious life decisions, making sure we have positive support systems in place.  How we deal with negativity is huge.  You see, life was never meant to be easy.  It is meant to be oved and in that living is a host of obstacles we have to learn to deal with or spend the whole of our life struggling ‘after the fact’.  Life has its ups and downs, and we can be drug along with it all, or we can learn how to take it easy during the easier times and make good sound decisions when it is not.  Life is a danged test, it is true, and learning to deal with difficulties means to learn how to become stronger for the next one that comes along.  It is all about you and how your attitude is, how you learn lessons, and how willing you are to do the hard work. 

Life never suits us.  We have to learn to live with Mother Nature, with the nature of people, with our own nature and develop good skills in dealing with such whimsical changes that cause us to make decisions and change accordingly.  Really looking at what one needs and what one wants, will help you understand what you value and what you are willing to do the hard work for.  Understanding that everything that causes you a sense of conflict is a time for learning lessons.  Every choice we make really is about how those very choices make us and our life what it is.  We are exactly where we are supposed to be, according to our choices.  Life is full of questions that we have the answers for, within.  We can sit in a puddle of our muddle or we can put on our rainboots and start hiking.  Worrying about the past does absolutely nothing but become quick sand for our happiness, our satisfaction, our sense of all being as it should. 

Even if we do everything right, it does not mean it was alright with the world.  It is why we must not be proud of our ‘rightness’ because every decision we make, makes us.  Again, it may not be the ‘right’ thing according to what those around us, the world, life needs of us.    We need to be certain of our values and who we value.  We need to focus and be present so that we know who will makes us or break us.  There is constant draw to pull us down, to pull us away from what we are committed to, will have us question our truths. 

People who seem to be doing better than we are, have a whole understory.  That understory is that they had dreams and ambitions and they did the world to succeed with some of them.  We have no idea what the story between the failure and success was.  We have no idea what nearly killed their dreams.  We might only know that there is a huge difference between being comfortable and being courageous.  Truly happy people have had to be courageous.  Those who seem to have had their dreams come true... made those dreams come true.  Dreams do not typically all in your lap.  There was work, ear, some failures, some anger, some shock, some sense o surrender, somewhere, in order to achieve even one small dream. 

Life can truly suck, indeed.  Milton Erickson wrote: “Life will bring you pain all by itself.  Your responsibility is to create joy.”  Being happy with where you are, how you got here, and where you might be going, is imperative.  Gratitude, surrender, acceptance, all things we seem to despise are what help us on our way to a sense of contentment when we show or do these things.  Being grateful for small miracles is also huge.  Check our desires.  Check our wants and needs.  Maybe the world does not need or want or desire to have that for you. 

Rise to the challenge to be a happy and joyful person.  Those who know me, fairly well, know that I replace Creator for God, and why.  For those of you who use some other words than God, please do so.  The counsel is still those that I try to adhere too, although sometimes it be tough.   I have a favorite prayer, a Bahai prayer, that sits on a board directly in front of where I do my work:

“Oh, God, refresh and gladden my spirit.  Purify my heart, Illumine my powers.  I lay all my affairs in They hand.  Thou art my guide and my refuge.  I will no longer be sorrowful and grieved; I will be a happy and joyful being.  Oh, God!  I will no longer be full of anxiety nor will I let trouble harass me.  I will not dwell on the unpleasant things of life.

Oh, God!  Thou art more friend to me than I am to myself.  I dedicate myself to Thee, O, Lord.”

-Abdul-Baha

I think I get through ‘stuff’ because I do not stay long in the mire of a situation.  I am not worthy of a lot, but I am worthy of being loved and accepted and sometimes the choices I have made go against what I try to do.  I know I need compassion.  Life is not finished with me yet.

©Carol Desjarlais 4.18.24

 

Friendship: A Blessing or a Curse

 

 

Friendships are complex, I have found.  When first, we meet, there is no agenda.  There is something that draws us to that person that, sometimes, we do not understand.  When that stranger becomes a friend, we suddenly go beyond knowing them to see them.  We make an effort to know them intellectually, emotionally, and, on rare occasions, spiritually.  We grow into having compassion, receiving compassion, Trust develops.  Something about being around them, with them, deepens; we become vulnerable and we become closer.  Selflessness, gentleness, deepens as well.  In some cases, bonding takes place and there can be almost a sense of family relationship.  Friendship happens no matter space, place, age, color, creed.  A long-lasting friendship develops a sense of commitment to each other.  There is a type of agape love that can happen.  Some friendships will be short-lived, others can be long term.  We meet the right people at the right time and the friendship will last as long as it is supposed to.  Truly they are a blessing.

There are many people who say that they do not have time nor the inclination to have friends.  Building friendships is not as easy and suddenly knowing, although, of course, there are those, but they are rare.  It is, nonetheless important for us to have friends.

Friendships help us know our core values, when we face hardships, when we need emotional support, because life can feel very dull and quite boring without the stimulation of friendships. Friends help keep us grounded, stand by us when we are called to change, and remind us of our core values and potential as they relieve stressors that we may face from time to time.   One of the core basic needs is to have a sense of belonging.  Friendships help us deal with isolation or loneliness.  They teach us, introduce us to new things that stimulates the mind.  But, sometimes, they do not… they are, in fact, unhealthy for us.

Sometimes we need to allow a friendship to pass by, to go by the wayside, or for us to turn and walk away from them.  It can happen that someone once called ‘friend’ crosses a boundary that you have set for yourself.  They may, purposefully, misunderstand something you share in deepest heartfelt confidence and turned it to use against you for whatever agenda they happen to have.  They could, with that kind of agenda, not be interested in making right what they wronged you with.  Perhaps they might not put in the effort you put in to build and keep that friendship.  It can happen that hey might bully you for not having the same opinions as they do.  Perhaps they never were a friend and you are left shaking your head in wonder how you ever let them get, and stay, that close for so long.  Perhaps they became a burden on you.  These things happen at any age.  And it cuts deeply.  It hurts not to stand up for yourself in defense but you know it has to be what they have chosen it to be.  There is real grief, with all the stages.  It makes you question how you allowed such people in your life, how you did not see it coming, and regret the days, months, years you spent supporting them, being as faithful a friend as you could be, and allow this to happen.  Yes.  A broken friendship really makes you question yourself and everything you valued in your life.  There is such a longing for it all back.  You would be willing, always, to forgive and begin again.  The loss is cursed misery when you maybe felt more than they did. 

But, like it is said, when you get bucked off the horse, get back on. Gather up new friends, with a warier eye, of course, but be willing to be vulnerable and to trust again. A friendship means that you have someone who is in your court; someone to support you; someone you can give your compassion too.  There is no other relationship like a great deep friendship where someone, not of your blood, cares for you so deeply, they would take a hit for you.  And, the feeling is mutual.  It can be a blessing, indeed.

 

©Carol Desjarlais 4.13.24