ANYTHING GOOD IN ME, I LEARNED FROM MY MOTHER

 

 

I am past 78 years old, and it has hit me.  I have many not-so-awesome qualities but I also have some awesome qualities.  Anything good in me, comes from the mother that raised me came from those 14 years I grew up in this community.

I have recently moved back to my hometown.  A small community; related to most by adoption, knowing who was safe and who was not, surrounded by Good, Good, people.  Every kid could be disciplined by any other mother.  We were kids raised to please others.  We grew up disliking confrontation.  We grew up giving and receiving service. We worried about each other.  We grew up more like family.   We knew a few whispered secrets but knew not to share what we might have overheard.  We, also knew, what we knew, everyone knew anyways. 

My mother taught school for 43 years.  She raised my brother and I on classical stories. She taught me to read by the time I was 5. (That was not common in those times).  She played classical music and had me tell the stories I heard in the music.   She showed, through modeling, how to cook Divinity, bread, lovely meals, setting a proper table, how to dress (she wore a dress every day of her life until she was 75 and joined an exercise group.  She used only lipstick; arch, arch, fill in bottom.  She curled her hair every day.  She was a woman of sacrifice.  She worked as a teacher to support her parents and family.  She married an older man in order to have children.  She lost a baby girl and adopted me, then had my younger brother 2 ½ years later.  She was an honorable woman, sad sometimes, and, as an older parent, had to have been so worn out bringing us two up.  Her life was one of total service.  I get that from her; the service, sacrificing, perfectionism, and a strong bond with children, whether they return it or not.  I cannot imagine babies close to 50 years of age. 

Before she died, she told me how proud she was of me.  That was a tremendous blessing in my life because I was a handful, believe me.  I was unlike her in so many ways, yet, I have retained some of her goodness. 

I am so grateful to have been brought up by her.  She maybe thought I would never be exactly as she wished, but I try, every day to be more like her and I actually see it as my children and grandchildren visit.  I sense her loving them through me. 

©Carol Desjarlais