Self-Love: It is What It Is

 

 

 

Who are you, at this exact moment?  Do you trust yourself?  Are you comfortable in your own skin?  Do you keep promises to yourself?  Are you confident?  Do you believe in yourself?  Do you compare or compete?  Do you accept your flaws?  O you love yourself for who you are?  Are you totally self-aware or do you have work to do on self?  Are you kind to self?  Do you nurture yourself? 

We seem to all be uncomfortable with aspects of self.  We all have negative thoughts.  We all seem to feel that we are not enough.  It takes being mindful to sort out what is worth worrying about.  Be mindful in the moment.  It takes practice but can be done.  We need to come to a place where we let go of self-doubt, as only this will help you reach up to that potential you have and are able to achieve.  We are deserved of peace, happiness, joy and the sense of adventure that is there for us to achieve. 

This is our one and only body.  It is what it is.  Iitt is difficult to wrap our heads around our aging process.  But every age should be celebrated.    Everyone has days where we simply feel like we cannot cope with our changers.  The Beauty Business depends on us not accepting our body.  We need to capture all the awe and ah and oh that we can, and keep all those positive moments as precious gems.  Look for the positives.

I am 78 years old.  Every day I find out I have places I was not even aware of, because something new hurts.  I could focus on that, or I can surround myself with things that I look forward to each day.  Mu suite overflows with things that make me happy.  My daughter cringes as she is a minimalist.  But everything I have crammed into this smaller space is something that gives me a way to feel inspired, to feel accomplished, that gives me a sense of who I am and a place to keep that going.    I make sure I find something awesome every day, even on days where it might suck bigtime.   And I refuse to listen to those who say I am only as old as I feel.  How do I know how it feels to be 78.  I have not been this before.  To me, this is who I am at 78.  I am lucky to be able to do and accomplish all I do in a day.  This is personal and each of us is unique. 

I apologize to myself many times throughout the day.  I forgive myself.  Then I get busy making sure I do not have such negative thoughts about myself in any way. Use positive anthems every morning.  Do some journaling on how and why you love yourself, at the end of every day.  Don’t go to bed negative about Self.  And promise yourself that you will do better tomorrow if today has been a rough one. 

We need to give ourselves a talking to every morning.  Seek and you will find what you chose to find.  We are in charge of our mental health and we can build up our own resilience through actively seeking the positive.   Seek, always, inner peace.   

©Carol Desjarlais 9.21.25

 

Living Fearlessly

 

 

 

“There is nothing to fear but fear itself.” - Franklin D. Roosevelt, inaugural address

If you remember, I dedicated a whole year to deal with Fear in my life. I found things I feared, that I had not admitted, that I had been unaware of, and recognized that I let fear control everything I was and did and thought, and created.  Once I began to focus on what I was I feared: physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, those spaces I wasted energy on, began to extinguish.    

Of course, there were things that I feared, that was healthy.  Unnecessary or illogical fear still tries to find its place within, even yet, but I more able to quell it.  I am more aware of it when it is rising.  I look at it, and make a decision if it is truly something to still fear, or that it is situational fear.

A situational fear of mine is my fear of bears and being alone in an area that is bear country.  Some fears are conditional dears.  We are taught to fear certain things or events, etc.  What about inherited fears?  Studies on mice have shown there can be inherited fears…even if the mouse pups were immediately taken from original parent and raised by foster mouse parents.  Memorized fears originate in the amygdala.  Studies are being done on this, to date and will continue.  There is belief that it may help with PTSD. I know that facing my fears and fears that were deeply buried, I understand myself better and am eliminating fears that have no logical reasons. 

An obvious trigger belies where work needs to be done.  Exposure to that which triggers can help eliminate such fears.  At onset of the fear (physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually) one can work on finding a sense of calm, peace, tranquility and a sense of acknowledging the fear and seeing if it is rational.  We can retrain our brain to eliminate that kind of fear.  I used to be afraid of snakes.  I met another who had an irrational fear of snakes.  Garter snakes are nothing to be afraid of.  His fear of snakes made me see how irrational that fear was.  We do not live where deadly snakes are.  But I visited other countries where dangerous snakes were.  I had extinguished the irrational fear and replaced it with a carefulness when where there were snakes to fear.   There are many things we should fear.  I was conditioned to be afraid of walking out after dark.  I had to learn the difference between being irrationally afraid and become carefully aware.  I could have been afraid of men.  I learned what kind of senses involved in being around someone who was not safe.  I, eventually learned how to recognize men, and people, who I just should not be around.  I became more aware of a healthy inner voice, and sixth sense.  I learned to listen top my intuition that I had worked hard on. 

A few weeks ago, I was given the opportunity to be around the monster of my childhood.  I found a way to gather up my courage, and respond, superficially, I might add, to this person.  Afterwards, I was sooo proud of myself.  I no longer felt any sense of guard.  Of course, there was no regard to who that person is today.  He held no power over me as an elder, an adult, and one who survived in spite of him.  I marveled, afterwards, how I could respond in a dignified and graceful way.  I allowed the past to be the past.  He is probably not who he was decades ago.  And, I am not that child. 

Of course, I uncover fears again and again.  I have learned to combat those that had no basis.  I refuse to live in fear…any fear.  It takes up energy and reduces happiness, adventure, joy, and peace of mind.  If we decide to see problems that keep us in doubt and fear, we have missed an enhanced life.  We are not victims.  I chose to not be one.

©Carol Desjarlais 9.19.25

 

 

 

 

 

Are We Guilty of Self-loathing?

 

 

 

I gotta share something with you:

We hear about Body Image over and over and over, yet we seem not to apply it to Self.  Most women find something in their body image as ‘not enough’ or ‘too much’.  The body can heal from many wounds, but psychological wounding, societal wounding is something that takes a great deal of work.  It is challenging, to say the least, to accept our bodies as they are and being kind to our body (even being grateful) is something given not much thought, considering what miracles it can wrought.  Body Image is not a competition. 

How many of us seek clothes that hide extra pounds?  How many of us buy into beauty products that espouse Youth?  We become what we think of ourselves.  We become how we feel about our body.  We forget the Perfect does not exist. 

As well, it is not stagnant.  It changes moment by moment, it seems.    We are always a work in progress.  Thus, if our focus is negative, then that gets more and more difficult to stay positive.  We can always find things that displease us.  If we are constantly degrading our body, we will not be able to send off positive energy into the ether.  The negative self-concept can be a writing thing within.  It stains our ability to fully be ourselves.  It keeps us comparing ourselves.  It affects how you relate to others.  It robs us of our own happiness.  It can take away your joy. 

I am working on that, now that I have moved.  I have only me to worry about and I can spend more time trying to find grace and dignity, even self-acceptation of how I look on the outside so I can feel acceptance skin deep. And allowing that to begin to subdue my sense of my scarred up, bruise, muffin-topped wrinkled body.  It is going to take work. But I am getting there, bit by bit, step by step:

·        I will accept my body, wrinkles and all.

·       I will not allow myself to think negatively of my muffin-top.

·       I will stop wearing clothes two sizes too big.

·       I will stop feeling conspicuous.  It’s not all about me.

·       I will simply believe in myself…that I am a gift to the world...and get busy doing what I know is my purpose.     

©Carol Desjarlais 9.18.25